Why is it?

telephone.jpg That the telephone rings immediately after the ‘first bite of your dinner’?

That you think that everyone is looking if you happen to slip and fall?

That you cannot find a parking space within two miles, when it’s raining?

That the shortest line always has the “Slower and most talkative Checker”?

And the lady behind is in such a hurry, she ‘pushes her cart into your ankles?

That the waitress asks if “everything is all right;” just when your mouth is full?

That the guy next door could have “saved you hundreds;” on the new lawn mower?

And everyone he knows has “had trouble” with that particular brand?

That no one will suggest a ‘place to dine’, but all will complain about this one?

That Nordie-Trac turns everyone into ‘muscle bound specimens’; except you?

That the product that goes on sale today was “sold out” when the doors opened?

That the appliance explodes one day after the warranty expires?

That all your neighbors want to talk when you are trying to finish mowing?

That clothing stores have developed a “size 40 that becomes 34 when you buy”?

That you get an itch in your ‘crotch’ just when you stand before an audience?

That everyone can get better gas mileage than you have ever been able to?

That the person behind you at a theater talks you through the action?

That the grocery puts your Milk in a “ripped bag”, and the Twinkies in “Doubled Ones”?

And the coupon for 50 cents off on the Twinkies “Expired Yesterday?

That your telephone bill increases by “57%” when you sign up to “Save 25%”?

That there’s nothing good on “The Tube;”  except ‘Prime-Time Wrestling.’

That you mention to a friend that you’re reading a book and he; “Relates the End.”?

That you have to spell a word correctly in order for your computer to ‘Spell-Check’?

That after hours of hearing about other children, the subject changes when you mention; “Some cute remark or action attributable to your own”?

Finally you become so disgusted, “You tell everyone to go to hell; Assume an attitude of “I don’t give a tinkers damn;” move to the green swamp and become a hermit?

That’ll teach them all that you do not intend to be intimidated by a bunch of scalawags who have nothing better to do than to take the time to read junk like this.