They’re Our Neighbors.

Now, I ain’t never been ’round many uv’em ;but I’m heah ta tell ya, they’s strange. My daddy always told me, Said, “Son: “You git too close to one; an’ You’s bound to “Cotch sumpin.”  Like, they’us one come in th’ diner one day; when l;se a-eatin’ dinner an ‘jus “took ova.”

“Wander,  th’ waitress, she had put th’ quarter whot I had give her fer a tip in, th’ jukebox an’ Merle Haggard were asingin “Workin’ Man’s Blues”, an’ whotcha recon he done? ”

He marched rite ovah an, canceled thatun’ an’ hit th button fer one uv them rock an”roll records. “Jus’come rite in an’ took ovah.”  I told Wander that he needed a rock up â-‘side his head.

“That thare aint th’ wust uv hit, though. “Th ‘wust uv hit were;  “Maw had sont me ta’™ git her some bakin’ powders at th’ store t’other day an’ they’,us  jus’ a whole slew uv’ em in thare.

They wus a’millin’ round an a’buyin’ th’ quarest stuff.  “Stuff lack Petezers, Bagles an’ them big ole long saugages an.’  “I thinks ta’ myself:  ” I thinks;  “We aint never give rations lak that to th’hogs; say nothin’ ’bout eatin. hit ourselves;   “Yeah, they’s quare awright. An’ sassey, ‘ta’ beat th’  ban’.

Whot mos’-uv-um  needs, is a razor strop a’holt uv they behin’s. That thare’ud
simmer’ um down.  Kinda makes a feller wont to buy’em a bus ticket jus’ to git rid uv’em.

One day, Jessie Barlow wus a’drivin’ that ole truck uv his’n,  Th’ one whot th’ clutch’s always a’ silppin: “A hole bunch of ’em slipped up behint him an ‘commencet a’blowin’ they horn.   Now ole Jesse’us doin’ thâ’ bess he could,  an’ they jus’ kep-on a’tootin they horn’s.

Well’sr, Jessie, he stopped an’ taken that ole 12 gauge shotgun ouften th’ rack behint th” seat an pumped a load uv “BUCKSHOT” rite square in th’ middle uv they radeater.

Then he got out an;  “Flat laid a cussin’ on ‘um.”  . Jessie said he didn’t kere if they did call th’ law on him.  He said them Jailhouse Rations were better’n’ whot he had at home.  An’ that hi-fo-luttin talk, they uses jus’ plain gits me.  A feller can’t can’t unnerstan’ haff-‘â whot they say.

Lik thai time when one come out ta’ th’ Sawmill an axed me if I wud be so condescending, as to inform him of any local ordnance concerning trapshooting.  Hell: I ain’t never hyeard uv’ nobody wastin’ Shotgun Shells, when they’ done an’ got somethin’ trapped, anyhow: An I told him so;  “Well-sr;  He jus upped an sez”, “You are right close to a fool: aren’t you?”  

I jus rared back an’ sez ta him: I sez:  “You Damn Straight Feller!”  “JUS’  ‘BOUT THREE FOOT!”  

“Th’ sooner they learn’s that we ain’t gonns “put up wiff ‘Crap lak’ that thare.  Th’ sooner we’ll show ’em that we  ain’t gonna take nothin’ offin’em:  Thât’ll be the end of them  a’thinking that; “THEY’S BETTER ‘UN  US.”  “An’ Mayhaps Hit’ll learn-um sum’ sence.”

“If they don’t quit then:;”  “We’ve still got our;   “12 GUAGE,   “DOUBLE BARREL;” and  ‘Whole bunch uv’ smaller weapons; whot does our “talkin’; fur-us’.”    Dj.

Like I Say;  “Don’t mess with ’em: Cause, “They’s  QUARE!”  “Jus; “Leave ’em BE.”

“MY-SELF:”  “I  “MIS-DOU’T”s; That “EG-NORE’IN: ” Them’ll  do much good.”   “Thay ain’t never had “NO Raisin;s!!!” 

“Lett -un think that thay; “Won Th’ BIG WAR!:   “WE KNOW’S BETTER!”  

Arvell Wayne Bledsoe
As told to Jay Henry