S’funny how some folks ackt

mens-jobs520x486jpg.jpe Now, I ain’t never been ‘round many uv’em but I’m heah ta tell ya, they’s strange. My daddy always told me, “Son, you git too close to a yankee, an’ you’s bound cotch sumpin.” They’us one come in th’ diner one day when l’se eatin’ dinner an’ I plum had ta tote my hot dog out ta my truck an’ set on th tailgate I got so disgustet. Wander,th’ waitress, she had put th’ quarter whot I had give her fer a tip in th’ jukebox an’ Merle Haggard were a’singin’ “Workin’ Man Blues,” an’ whotcha recon he done? He marched rite ovah an’ canceled that’un an’ hit th’ button fer one uv them rock an’ roll records. Jus’come rite in an’ took ovah. I told Wander that he needed a rock up ‘side his head. That thare ain’t th’ wust though. Maw had sont me ta’ git her some bakin’ powders at th’ store t’other day an’ they’us jus’ a whole slew uv’em in thare. They’us a’millin’ ‘round an a’buyin’ th’ quarest stuff. Stuff lack Petezers,bagles an’ them big ole long saugages an’ I thinks Ia myself, we ain’t never give rations lak that ta’ th’ hogs, say nothin’ ‘bout eatin’ hit ourselves.
Yeah, they’s quare awright. An’ sassey ta’ beat th’ band.
Whot mos’ uv’em needs is a razor strop a’holt uv they behin’s. That thare’ud
simmer’um down. Kinda makes a feller wont to buy’em a bus ticket jus’ to git rid uv’em.
One day, Jessie Barlow wus a’drivin’ that ole truck uv his’n, th’ one whot th’ clutch’s always a’slippin’, out on number 326 an’ one uv’em flew up behint him an’ commencet a’blowin’ th’ horn. Now ole Jesse’us doin’ th’ bes’ he could an’ they kep’ on a’tootin that horn. Wells’r, Jessie, he stopped an’ taken that ole 12 gauge shotgun ouften th’ rack behint th’ seat an pumped a load uv buchshot rite square in th’ middle uv they radeater. Then he got out an’ flat laid a cussin on’um. Jessie said he didn’t kere if they did call th’ law on him. He said th’ rations in th’ jailhouse were better’n whot he had at home.
An’ that hi-fo-luttin talk they uses jus’ plain gits me. Can’t unnerstan’ haff’uv whot they say. Lik thai time when one come out ta th’ sawmill an axed me if I’ wud be so condescending as to inform him of any local ordnance concerning trapshooting. Hell, I ain’t never hyeard uv nobody wastin’ shells when they’s done got somethin’ trapped, an I told him so. He sez, “You are right close to a fool, aren’t you?” I jus rared back an’ sez ta him, I sez, “Damn straight, fella’, jus’ ‘bout 3 foot.”
Th’ sooner they learns that we ain’t gonna take nothin’ offen’em, th’ better off they’s gonna be. Like I say, they’s quare.

Arvell Wayne Bledsoe
As told to Jay Henry