Now, I ainâ€™t never been â€˜round many uvâ€™em but Iâ€™m heah ta tell ya, theyâ€™s strange. My daddy always told me, â€œSon, you git too close to a yankee, anâ€™ youâ€™s bound cotch sumpin.â€ Theyâ€™us one come in thâ€™ diner one day when lâ€™se eatinâ€™ dinner anâ€™ I plum had ta tote my hot dog out ta my truck anâ€™ set on th tailgate I got so disgustet. Wander,th’ waitress, she had put thâ€™ quarter whot I had give her fer a tip in thâ€™ jukebox anâ€™ Merle Haggard were aâ€™singinâ€™ â€œWorkinâ€™ Man Blues,â€ anâ€™ whotcha recon he done? He marched rite ovah anâ€™ canceled thatâ€™un anâ€™ hit thâ€™ button fer one uv them rock anâ€™ roll records. Jusâ€™come rite in anâ€™ took ovah. I told Wander that he needed a rock up â€˜side his head. That thare ainâ€™t thâ€™ wust though. Maw had sont me taâ€™ git her some bakinâ€™ powders at thâ€™ store tâ€™other day anâ€™ theyâ€™us jusâ€™ a whole slew uvâ€™em in thare. Theyâ€™us aâ€™millinâ€™ â€˜round an aâ€™buyinâ€™ thâ€™ quarest stuff. Stuff lack Petezers,bagles anâ€™ them big ole long saugages anâ€™ I thinks Ia myself, we ainâ€™t never give rations lak that taâ€™ thâ€™ hogs, say nothinâ€™ â€˜bout eatinâ€™ hit ourselves.
Yeah, theyâ€™s quare awright. Anâ€™ sassey taâ€™ beat thâ€™ band.
Whot mosâ€™ uvâ€™em needs is a razor strop aâ€™holt uv they behinâ€™s. That thareâ€™ud
simmerâ€™um down. Kinda makes a feller wont to buy’em a bus ticket jus’ to git rid uv’em.
One day, Jessie Barlow wus aâ€™drivinâ€™ that ole truck uv hisâ€™n, thâ€™ one whot thâ€™ clutchâ€™s always aâ€™slippinâ€™, out on number 326 anâ€™ one uvâ€™em flew up behint him anâ€™ commencet aâ€™blowinâ€™ thâ€™ horn. Now ole Jesseâ€™us doinâ€™ thâ€™ besâ€™ he could anâ€™ they kepâ€™ on aâ€™tootin that horn. Wellsâ€™r, Jessie, he stopped an’ taken that ole 12 gauge shotgun ouften thâ€™ rack behint thâ€™ seat an pumped a load uv buchshot rite square in thâ€™ middle uv they radeater. Then he got out anâ€™ flat laid a cussin onâ€™um. Jessie said he didnâ€™t kere if they did call thâ€™ law on him. He said thâ€™ rations in thâ€™ jailhouse were betterâ€™n whot he had at home.
Anâ€™ that hi-fo-luttin talk they uses jusâ€™ plain gits me. Canâ€™t unnerstanâ€™ haffâ€™uv whot they say. Lik thai time when one come out ta thâ€™ sawmill an axed me if Iâ€™ wud be so condescending as to inform him of any local ordnance concerning trapshooting. Hell, I ainâ€™t never hyeard uv nobody wastinâ€™ shells when theyâ€™s done got somethinâ€™ trapped, an I told him so. He sez, â€œYou are right close to a fool, arenâ€™t you?â€ I jus rared back anâ€™ sez ta him, I sez, â€œDamn straight, fellaâ€™, jusâ€™ â€˜bout 3 foot.â€
Thâ€™ sooner they learns that we ainâ€™t gonna take nothinâ€™ offenâ€™em, thâ€™ better off theyâ€™s gonna be. Like I say, theyâ€™s quare.
Arvell Wayne Bledsoe
As told to Jay Henry