Revealed at last

senior_citizenWhen the oldest survivor of the Johnstown, Pa.  flood died, he was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter who inquired if there was anything in particular he would like to do.

“Yes,” replied the man, “I would love to explain to all the Angels that it was because of sheer fortitude that I managed to survive one of the greatest disasters known to mankind.”

St. Peter assured him that a gathering of thousands would be assembled to hear his rendition of the escape from this tragedy.

After his initial briefing he was led onto a golden stage, before which sat the inhabitants of Heaven. Although nervous before this large a throng, he was determined to speak of his daring evasion of the raging waters that destroyed so many.

An angel clipped a lapel microphone onto his robe but before he could begin speaking, St. Peter tapped him on the shoulder and whispered, “I would be extremely careful with my choice of words if I were you. Noah’s in the audience, you know.”


It was during her lunch hour that Mrs. Peabody, the head nurse at Memorial Hospital left to pick up her laundry from the downtown location of Miracle Laundry, some three miles from the hospital. She was traveling well above the speed limit when a policeman turned on his red light to signal her to stop. She only reacted when he let loose with a blast of the siren.

The officer approached the car and asked, “Lady, do you know what a red light means?”  Yes officer, It means that someone needs to use the bed pan,” answered the unruffled lady.


A minister who was known for preaching well over one hour began one particular sermon with the following: “I dictated my sermon to my secretary and asked her to delete anything that was dull or uninteresting.   And so, in conclusion: “A-NEN!”


Every senior citizen should be required to carry the following sign; “I feel good today, but every time I feel good I feel bad because I know that tomorrow, I’m going to feel worse.”


“Get even time:” We should all grow old enough to become a problem to our children.

“Perks of being a Senior Citizen: “Things you buy now – won’t wear out. No one considers you a Hypochondriac. You can’t remember who sent this to you”.   Dj