I SUPPOSE I’LL NEVER UNDERSTAND
There are many things about the American people and our language that leaves me completely baffled. For instance;
The craze over weight loss: “Why in the world will a person order a double cheeseburger, a large order of fries, a slice of pie, and then a diet drink?
Protection for our second most expensive item; our automobiles: “We build additions onto our houses called garages; and then stuff them full of discarded items while the vehicles sit exposed to the elements.”
A guarantee for both: “We order a pizza and receive a guarantee that if it is not delivered within a certain length of time there will be no charge. Why can’t we get the same guarantee for an Ambulance or a Police Officer?
“Why is the word politician used to describe a representative of the people when the dictionary’s number 2 definitions are, seeking personal gain; or scheming?”
“If the past tense of teacher is taught, why isn’t the past tense of preacher – prought?”
“If you discard all of your odds and ends but one; what would it be? An odd or an end?
“Eggplant contains no eggs, hamburgers contain no ham, nor does pineapple contain any pine or apples.”
“Was the forerunner of the horseless carriage; a horseful carriage?” “What about a strapful gown for the gentle sex?”
“Why does a house burn up; and then is considered burned down?”
“Ever wonder why we park our car on driveways; but drive our car on parkways?”
“Writers write; but fingers don’t fing; Hammers don’t ham; nor do Grocers groce.”
“You cannot make one amend.” “You cannot search through the annal of history.”
“If the plural of tooth is teeth; why not booth //beeth; or moose //meese?”
“How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell the next?”
“Vegetarians eat vegetables:” “Do humanitarians eat humans?
“You write a letter and bite your tongue.’ “ If you wrote a letter, would you bote your tongue?”
“As you can readily see, I am totally flabbergasted because:” “When I wind up my watch, I start it; but when I wind up this post, I end it.” Demijon