“My Prayer”

“Please, dear God:” Make the words that I write today sweet and tender, because I probably will have to eat them tomorrow.”

I am certain that I am not the only person who breathes this prayer on a daily basis. It is indeed hard to put to paper: Or for that matter, to speak what is on one’s mind without the risk of offending at least one person.  We do not do it deliberately, but there are times when even the most innocent of our thoughts will strike a sore spot.  Humor is at its best when it can be related to the speaker/writer as well as the listener/reader. We must be willing to laugh at ourselves before we should be permitted to laugh at others. You know the idiom; “If you want to dish it out: You’d better be prepared to take it.”

Perhaps this is the reason that I write a lot of fiction. Fiction is the perfect vehicle for venting emotions and feelings. You invent a character and a setting, and then you can make them into anything you wish. A disclaimer at the beginning states that any similarity is coincidental and that the persons and places are products of the writer’s imagination. What better place to; “Tell it all.”

Someone once said, “If you write, write about something you know.” With this in mind, large amounts of my writings are based on my memories. Most of these memories are from an era that few know about, and hopefully will produce a small amount of nostalgia in others.

Our minds contain the capacity to remember some minute detail of long ago, and when dwelling on this particular incident will expand it to reveal relevant information that can be woven into a readable article. The hardest part is attempting to relate the story in a method that will appeal to the rank and file.

For instance, no one would be interested in Joe breaking his leg trying to get the best of his young son in a game of tag football.

NOW:  Place Joe’s son on the banks of a flood-swollen river; while, making a futile attempt to rescue a prize Hereford calf. When Joe jumps into the river to save both his son and the calf; a floating log rams into his leg and breaks it in two places.

From his hospital bed, Joe is proclaimed a local hero by his honor, ‘The Mayor;’ In attendance is Joe’s lovely wife, and his doting son. Joe’s remarks are, “Shucks, t’weren’t nothing.”

To complete the narrative;  The calf must go on to win first place at the County Fair and “Joe’s son must grow up to become President”. This is just the way it works.

Granted, there have been very good books and articles written with every word truthfully told; but those authors are the ones who are successful and do not have to rely on a fading memory.  Incidentally:  Most of them are also rich.

Demijon

Posted inUncategorized

I’ll bet that you didn’t know –

Posted on August 29, 2006 by Demijon

Webster’s dictionary contains thousands of words which old Noah himself was not completely sure of the correct definition.  This article is intended to dispel any inaccuracy, therefore, preventing your “skinning your ignorance” when the occasion arises where you have a need to impress someone.

APPEND:  Webster defines this word as, to attach or affix.   Now, everybody knows that this is totally incorrect.  It is the rear-most part of the body of a large Gorilla:, The part that he sits on.

BROADAXE:  A weapon or a tool to hew timber?  Wrong again. This is a question, covering a wide variety of subjects and is usually axed by a “good ole boy.”

CALCIUM:   Silver-white chemical, found in limestone, right?  No:  Cal is the fellow who observed Corry Mae Poovey and Wadlow Jarvis making love on the fodder in the barn loft..

DEFEAT:   Certainly not, to win victory over; or overcome. Simply put;  “Dis is the part of the body dat de shoes go on”.

ETHER:  Commonly designated as a sleep producing agent but those of us with superior intelligence are aware that;  “Ether, You pay me that dollar you owe me; or I’ll whup-up on your Sunday Clothes.”

FUTILE::  Useless, vain, and hopeless.  “Ugh-ugh!”   Correct Usage; “Futile your kitchen and not the hall, you’ll have a mess in wet weather.”

GENTILE:  Mr. Webster says; any person; “not a Jew!”.  Right interpretation; “Flooring, removed from the Cotton Gin and used in the hall.”

HANDBILL:  In the book, it states; small printed notice, advertisement. Precisely put;  “HAND BILL”, that hammer so he can nail them shingles down.”

INDICATE:  to direct attention to; the right way;  “Billy Joe broke his hand when he got it caught  – “IN – DI – CATE.”

JUNCTURE:   A point or line of joining; “Another Boo-Boo”.  “Bobby Frank tole me that you juncture’ car atter you wrecked hit.”

KICKAPOO:  Noah says, a tribe of Indians; I say, “If you sass me jus’ one more time, I’ll haul off an’ “‘kick a poo” outten you.”

LOCALE:  Incorrect definition; a place of locality; Proper usage; a fitting greeting for former race car driver, Yarborough, You know;  you know, “Lo Cale.”

MATER:  Definitely not, the mother, as depicted in the dictionary.  It is a red fruit produced by ‘mater vines’.

NAIRN:  I will not doubt that this was a county in Scotland, however the correct definition is.  “How come you got two co-colers an’ I ain’t got nairn.”

OUTWIT::  to overcome by cunning; Totally wrong; exact pronunciation;  “Joe Lee went inta’ that poker game wiff two dollars an’ come OUTWIT  Seben.”

PETTY CASH:  Money for incidental expenses; No, No; The amount of winnings derived from the , NASCAR CIRCUIT by Driver; Richard.

QUOTIENT:  Certainly not, the result obtained when a number is divided by another; Literal usage refers to, “I got a Ticket when I ran that Quotient light.”

REPLY:  Here is another of old Noah’s mistakes.  He indicates that this means to answer or respond.  Everybody knows that this is what you do when your plywood rots.

SCREEN TEST:  testing suitability as a movie star?  “Hail no!”  It’s simply determining if a fly can get through the mesh covering your window.

TELEPLAY:  Not a written account of a television play; Used mostly by coaches in the game of football, i.e. “Teleplay to that dumb-ass quarterback and he forgets it.”

UNPOLLED:  You would think that Webster would know that this does not mean, not canvassed in a poll.  It means that the boat merely sat there, “UNPOLLED.”

 VACCINE:  The stuff in a shot?   Definitely not; It is simply, what Bubba callsl the waitress at the diner because he pronounces an “M”  like a “V”.

WET BAR:  Once again, incorrect; Not a serving counter for drinks.  “They ain’t nothin’ slicker’n a wet bar of soap.”

X RAY;  Not a photograph of the bones in ones body;  “Stella is like a different person since she divorced her “X RAY.”

YAM:  Surely everyone knows that this in not a ‘tater.  This is dialogue used by cartoon character “Popeye”, i.e. “I Yam what I Yam.”

ZEAL:  Noah’s book says intense enthusiasm;  Not so;  This is one of them animals that swim around  in the cold waters near the north pole.

I sincerely hope that you have learned something.

Demijon

Posted inUncategorized

Observations

Posted on August 28, 2006 by John Sellers

            There was a time when I was not as attentive to patterns of misinterpretation among my fellow man; however, now that I am older and perhaps a little wiser, things really “get to me.”

*********************************************

            For instance, shopping for a pair of shorts at a well-known “super store.”  I maneuver my cart to the men’s department and find the rack containing hundreds of pairs of shorts.  The majority of these were size 28 through 36 and only one pair of size 42.  To compound the fracture, this pair was the color of pale vomit.

            Now, my question is:  Is the store under the misinterpretation that the ones of us who have a big belly and gaunt legs are not to appear in public while wearing shorts?

            The same holds true in the shirt department.  If, by chance, we can locate a size large enough to contain our bulk, the tail will not cover our belt.  Again, there are hundreds of sizes 14, a few of size 15, but if we are lucky we may find one size 17 and it will be tucked underneath the rack, wrinkled and dirty.  Who decides that the only ones who have a need for a shirt are the small, trim, undernourished of the species?

            Another problem is in the area of footwear.  While browsing in a name brand shoe store, I discovered that the majority of their stock consisted of expensive jogging shoes; ankle hugging, tongue bulging, nylon with tire tread soles and some even containing air bladders and pumps.  And they expect a person of my caliber, who becomes winded with even the thought of getting out of a lounge chair, to consider the purchase of a pair of “running” shoes?  Where were the glove-soft slippers with bunion protectors and the smooth tread that doesn’t jar the teeth when taking a step?

            Let’s face it, the world in no longer geared to the mature.  Somewhere, someone has decided that the young are the only ones who matter.  Where the heck do they think the young gets their money?  From us old folks, that’s where.  Judging from the attire that  some of this younger set wears; it is my opinion that they have been forbidden to eat at the money trough for quite some time.

            I believe that the time has come for shop owners to realize that the ones of us with big bellies and a pension check are just as important as those scrawny, young dudes who have nothing but a credit card from “Toys ‘R’ Us.”

Demijon

Â

Posted inUncategorized

Observations

Posted on August 28, 2006 by John Sellers

            There was a time when I was not as attentive to patterns of misinterpretation among my fellow man; however, now that I am older and perhaps a little wiser, things really “get to me.”

*********************************************

            For instance, shopping for a pair of shorts at a well-known “super store.”  I maneuver my cart to the men’s department and find the rack containing hundreds of pairs of shorts.  The majority of these were size 28 through 36 and only one pair of size 42.  To compound the fracture, this pair was the color of pale vomit.

            Now, my question is:  Is the store under the misinterpretation that the ones of us who have a big belly and gaunt legs are not to appear in public while wearing shorts?

            The same holds true in the shirt department.  If, by chance, we can locate a size large enough to contain our bulk, the tail will not cover our belt.  Again, there are hundreds of sizes 14, a few of size 15, but if we are lucky we may find one size 17 and it will be tucked underneath the rack, wrinkled and dirty.  Who decides that the only ones who have a need for a shirt are the small, trim, undernourished of the species?

            Another problem is in the area of footwear.  While browsing in a name brand shoe store, I discovered that the majority of their stock consisted of expensive jogging shoes; ankle hugging, tongue bulging, nylon with tire tread soles and some even containing air bladders and pumps.  And they expect a person of my caliber, who becomes winded with even the thought of getting out of a lounge chair, to consider the purchase of a pair of “running” shoes?  Where were the glove-soft slippers with bunion protectors and the smooth tread that doesn’t jar the teeth when taking a step?

            Let’s face it, the world in no longer geared to the mature.  Somewhere, someone has decided that the young are the only ones who matter.  Where the heck do they think the young gets their money?  From us old folks, that’s where.  Judging from the attire that  some of this younger set wears; it is my opinion that they have been forbidden to eat at the money trough for quite some time.

            I believe that the time has come for shop owners to realize that the ones of us with big bellies and a pension check are just as important as those scrawny, young dudes who have nothing but a credit card from “Toys ‘R’ Us.”

Demijon

Â

Posted inUncategorized

Post navigation

? Older posts

Origin of The Demijon Team:
A Pictorial History

The Demijon Kid

Sergeant Demijon

Jay Henry and Susie Mae

Wedded Bliss

Dressed to Kill

Beach Bums

Blog Author

Copy Editor

Celebration

In Memory of Th’ Bear; Chief of Security

Meta

Archives

Archives

Copyright © 2017 The Demijon Blog