“I’VE BEEN TOLD.”

As a young adult, I had dreams of starting my own business. The main problem with this was that I had no prior training in any kind of commercial enterprise. Simply put, I would have to create the field of endeavor that I wished to excel in.

My first efforts were to revolutionize the accepted methods of raising cotton. While most farmers planted their crops in rows, my system would be to randomly sow the seeds to ultimately save time and labor when gathering the fluffy fruit.

Farmers from all over came to marvel at the dark green sheen of the plants as they grew and to stand in awe and admiration of the unique mod-us operand-i of the perpetrator of this innovative approach to cotton farming.

However, a slight problem arose at gathering time. Whereas, I had inadvertently planted the seeds upside down, the fluffs of cotton had to be dug from the ground. One season was enough to end this enterprise.

Undaunted by this failure, I turned to potato farming. This too, required my remarkable mind to work overtime and find a way to grow the fruit with less effort. Knowing that potatoes mature underground prompted me to arrange the rows up and down a steep hill and allow gravity to aid in harvesting.

Observers asked if heavy rains caused the rows to wash down and my reply was, “Yes: but it makes a place at the bottom that plows mighty good.” My ideas were, instead of digging each row, all that would be necessary would be to dig a hole at the bottom and hold a sack.

Alas: this business too was doomed to fail simply because; when gathering time came, it was impossible to change sacks fast enough. Back to the old planning board.
My next venture was to transform the building of chimneys. Being observant of the age-old methods of constructing a chimney in an upward fashion, I began building at the top and worked my way to the bottom. Unfortunately, this project was also abandoned due to the fact that I had miscalculated and when I reached the bottom of the first chimney, there was no room for the last brick without cutting it.

After several more attempts at self-employment ended in a somewhat similar manner; I resigned myself to a lifelong endurance of leaving the planning to the Boss and doing only two things; “To show up when scheduled; and to be on time.” There was always someone there to tell me exactly what to do.

You would be surprised at how much money was saved from the purchase of Aspirin and Antacids.

Demijon

“FOOLPROOF OPERATION”: Allows No provisions for adjustments. Dj.