I’ll bet that you didn’t know –

            Webster’s dictionary contains thousands of words which old Noah himself was not completely sure of the correct definition.  This article is intended to dispel any inaccuracy, therefore, preventing your “skinning your ignorance” when the occasion arises where you have a need to impress someone.

            Append; Webster defines this word as, to attach or affix.  Now, everybody knows that this is totally incorrect.  It is the rear-most part of the body of a large gorilla, the part that he sits on.

            Broadaxe:  A weapon or a tool to hew timber?  Wrong again.  This is a question, covering a wide variety of subjects and is usually axed by a “good ole boy.”

            Calcium:  Silver-white chemical, found in limestone, right?  No.  >Cal= is the fellow who observed Corry Mae Poovey and Wadlow Jarvis making love on the fodder.

            Defeat:  Certainly not, to win victory over; or overcome.  Simply put, dis is the part of the body dat de shoes go on.

            Ether:  Commonly designated as a sleep producing agent but those of us with superior intelligence are aware that; “Ether you pay me that dollar or I’ll whup you.”

            Futile:  Useless, vain, and hopeless.  Ugh-ugh.  Correct usage; Futile your kitchen and not the hall, you’ll have a mess in wet weather.

            Gentile:  Mr. Webster says; any person, not a Jew.  Right interpretation; Flooring removed from the cotton gin and used in the kitchen or hall.

            Handbill:  In the book, it states; small printed notice, advertisement. Precisely put;  “Hand-Bill that hammer so he can nail them shingles down.”

            Indicate:  to direct attention to; the right way;  “Billy Joe broke his hand when he got it caught in-de-cate.”

            Juncture:  a point or line of joining; Another Boo-Boo.  “Bobby Frank tol me that you juncture car atter you wrecked hit.”

            Kickapoo:  Noah says, a tribe of Indians; I say, “If you sass me jus’ one more time, I’ll haul off an’ kick a poo outten you.”

            Locale:  Incorrect definition, a place of locality; Proper usage; a fitting greeting for former race car driver, Yarborough, you know, “Lo Cale.”

            Mater:  Definitely not, the mother, as depicted in the dictionary.  It is a red fruit produced by mater vines.

            Nairn:  I will not doubt that this was a county in Scotland, however the correct definition is;  “How come you got two co-colers an’ I ain’t got nairn.”

            Outwit:  to overcome by cunning; Totally wrong; exact pronunciation;  “Joe Lee went inta’ that poker game wiff two dollars an’ come outwit seben.”

            Petty cash:  money for incidental expenses; No, No; The amount of winnings derived from the NASCAR circuit by driver Richard.

            Quotient:  Certainly not, the result obtained when a number is divided by another; Literal usage refers to, “I run that quotient light an’ got me a ticket.”

            Reply:  Here is another of old Noah’s mistakes.  He indicates that this means to answer or respond.  Everybody knows that this is what you do when your plywood rots.

            Screen test:  testing suitability as a movie star?  Hail no!  It’s simply determining if a fly can get through the mesh covering your window.

            Teleplay:  Not a written account of a television play; Used mostly by coaches in the game of football, i.e. “Teleplay to that dumb-ass quarterback an’ he forgets it.”

            Unpolled:  You would think that Webster would know that this does not mean, not canvassed in a poll.  It means that the boat merely sat there, unpolled.

            Vaccine:  The stuff in a shot?  Definitely not; What Bubba call the waitress at the diner because he pronounces an M like a V.

            Wet Bar:  Once again, incorrect; Not a serving counter for drinks.  “They ain’t nothin’ slicker’n a wet bar of soap.”

            X Ray:  Not a photograph of the bones in ones body;  “Stella is like a different person since she divorced her X Ray.”

            Yam:  Surely everyone knows that this in not a ‘tater.  This is dialogue used by cartoon character “Popeye”, i.e. “I yam what I yam.”

            Zeal:  Noah’s book says intense enthusiasm;  Not so;  This is one of them animals that live in the cold waters near the north pole.

            I sincerely hope that you have learned something.