Susie Mae speaks

Me an’ Susie Mae went down to a meetin,’ whot they wus a-holding in the back room uv Silas’ store one night.   Jus ’bout everbody in th holler were thare;  an’ we’ens went in an’ taken us a seat on ‘two overturned Nail Kegs. 

Susie Mae were busy a-sayin’ hiddey to all them folks.  Hit didn’t matter none to her that she didn’t know but two er three uv ’em.  She jus wanted all uv them to “ouh an’ ahh” ’bout the new ‘bonnet whot she had went an made fer herself.

We had no mor’en got sot down when Silas hit the table wiff a hammer an’ sez,  “Come to order.”  I kinda wanted me a new pair uv overalls, so I got up an’ commenced lookin’ fer the Catalog.  Silas, he ‘splained that he meant fer the “meetin’ to start.”  Susie Mae tolt me later that she thought he were crackin’ walnuts wiff that hammer.

Then Silas axed iffen they had them “A Quorem?.”  I didn’t say nothin but I thought I’d hyeared uv a family by that name; but they moved mor’en a year ago.  Somebody whot was a-settin behint us’ens stood up an’ said, “Yessir, Mr. Chairman, We has got us aQuorem.”

Susie Mae punched me in th ribs an’ whispered, “Jay Henry, honey, them folks ain’t got no business a-bein hear.”  “They’se a-callin him Chairman; whenst everbodie knows his name be’s “Silas.”

Well’sr, they all argied ’bout this an’ that on fer ’bout a hour an’ finally they got ’round to ‘th footlog ‘cross dead-fall branch.  That thare were whot Susie Mae had come to hyear ’bout, seein’s how she had fell off that log mor’en once.  She jumped up an’ axed Silas iffen she could say sumpin.  Silas, he  sez, “Susie Mae, you may address the chair.”

He mought as well have done slapped her, fer she flew offen the handle an’ got mad as faar.  She sez, “Silas, you knows that I can’t even back a letter, an’ now you’s wontin’ me to rite a address on a dumb ole chair.”“Iffen y’all axe me, I thank y’all’r all crazy.”  “Only’est reason me an’ Jay Henry come down hyear, in th’ fuss place were to git that thare foot log fixed.”

Them folks went on ’bout they business fer a while an’ th’ meetin broke up or as Silas put hit, they “JURNED.”   Whenst me an’ Susie Mae got ready to leave, some worrmarn come up to us an’ tolt Susie Mae that she had made a rale good speech.  Susie Mae jus grinned lak a cow eatin briars and sez, “Yessum, I thot I done rite well, m’self.”

That foot log ain’t been fixed to this day but Susie Mae has done an’ ‘cided that she’s aimin’ ta’ either go into “public speakin;’  ‘er else run fer Magistrate.

Writ by JAY HENRY