I have been asked many times how I gained my superior intelligence, my fantastic demeanor, my good looks, pleasing personality and incomparable ability. My friends, all of this is due to hard work and perseverance.
There was a time when I was just like you; a dull, argumentative, plain, ignorant individual whose total skills amounted to nothing more than the mastery of sopping molasses with a portion of biscuit; A pitiful character indeed.
It was here that I vowed to remedy this predicament and began what has been described as the greatest innovation in the history of mankind with regard to total rejuvenation of the senses as well as the dexterity of the forces that drive the human body. Eventually, this became known as “HANDYMAN-ISM.” Simply put, this is the art of evaluating a problem and reaching a solution without the benefit of instruction manuals and/or supervision; Trial and error, so to speak.
It was certainly not an easy road that I followed. Rather, there were times when the stumbling blocks completely blocked the end of the tunnel but with persistence, enough were removed to wriggle free. Quite a lot was learned from these experiences.
For instance; I was once dispatched to replace a mini-blind in one window of a rental house. The house itself sat on pilings of around eight to ten feet above ground level. Struggling up the stairs was somewhat of a chore for my, (at that time) 65 year-old body, but I eventually succeeded in entering the house.
Upon completion of the repairs, I decided to exit the house from another door. Little did I realize that there were no steps leading to the ground from this exit until I was suddenly plummeted into thin air and landed with a thud on the hard packed sand at the base of the house.
Fortunately no major damage was done to my perfect body with the exception of several bruises and scrapes, however, my clothing did not fare so well. The accumulation of dirt, numerous rips and tears manifested that I had indeed experienced some mishap.
When I returned to the office, I rendered a lengthy explanation of leaving the house from a different door than the one I entered. The response to my tirade from the office manager brought the usual question, that of, “WHY in hell did you exit the house from that particular door?”
My answer was simple and to the point: “I do not remember the house being that far off the ground the last time I used that door OR the time before that!”
The several morals to be gleaned from this anecdote are; “When in Rome, go out the same way you came in;” “Watch for falling handymen;” OR; “Some of us have it and the rest are trying to get it.”
“So, Now you know!” Dj.