“You Wont Belirve This!”

This expression usually accompanies a profound statement about someone or an event of astronomical proportions. The person making the statement is confident that they are the first to relate the story to you. Usually this statement is preceded by “let me tell you about this, you wont believe it” or “hey, did you hear about… you won’t believe this.” Why shouldn’t I believe it? If it is true, then there should be no doubt in either of our minds. On the other hand, why bother if the tale is only a rumor.

Rumors begin as simple, sometimes meaningless statements made during a conversation between two or more individuals. With each telling, the story becomes more graphic and the final outcome could very well sound unbelievable.

To illustrate, let’s assume that Fred and Joe are conversing. Joe: “Did you hear about the preacher getting up at 6:00 a.m. and his wife slept until 6:30?” Fred then relates the story to Jim. “I heard that the preacher beat his wife up.” Jim’s version as told to Bill. “The preacher and his wife had a big fight.” Bill relates his rendition to Mary. “Jim told me that the preacher broke his wife’s nose.” Mary calls Jane. “I hope the preacher’s wife will be able to walk with the cast on her leg.” Jane tells Margaret. “Poor thing, I heard that she has bruises all over her body as a result of their big fight.” Margaret then asked Ned, “Have you heard when the preacher’s wife will be out of the hospital?” Ned tells Alex. “I heard that the preacher’s wife has only a few more days left.” Alex calls the preacher and says, “You have my sympathy. Is there anything that I can do for you?” The preacher replies, “Yes, please don’t wake my wife up.” “She sleeps until 6:30, you know.”

Exaggerated? Sure, but you can readily see how a simple statement can get completely out of hand. We must carefully consider the implications of anything in which there is the slightest cause for exaggeration. Doing so will prevent rumors that if left to intensify could seriously damage another.

Think about it. Are we adding a little spice to what would be an otherwise superficial statement? Could any additions cause undue pain or stress? If so, then we would be extremely wise to refrain from repeating any undocumented statement.

“You won’t believe this but, according to my sources, the wife was the one that beat the preacher up and the funeral is on Monday.”


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As each day passes I am finding it harder and harder to maintain the image that I once projected. Upon being discharged from the Paratroops, I proudly possessed a 6 ft. 2 in., 185 lb., rock solid body with a 27 inch waistline. This was a result of regular exercise, good, (but not necessarily tasty), food and more or less regular hours. It was somewhat pleasant to walk on the beach and to think that all of the young ladies were casting glances at me behind their “dark Glasses”.

Years have a habit of slipping by all too fast and with them; went a portion of my image. Each year brought a little more expanse to the trim waistline and weight was inching toward the 200 mark. I reasoned that this was a result of better tasting food and I could bring it back in line at any time that I chose.

This minor detail did not hinder me from soliciting stares as I walked the beach; holding in my stomach with shallow breathing. Although this was sometimes difficult, at least my image was being preserved.

With each passing year, it became more strenuous to hold my breath in order to keep the waistline in the vicinity of the original 27 inches. The once taut muscles did not readily respond to the strain demanded of them. I had also noticed that every scale that I stepped upon was either faulty or in need of adjustment. The makers of trousers were desperately trying to cut costs by making their products smaller.

More time passed and I began to notice that holding my breath would not suffice to bring my waistline back to the acceptable dimension. In addition, my skin had begun to show signs of being somewhat less tight and was tending to droop in places.

The final straw was dropped one day as I strolled down the beach, hoping to glean a few admiring looks from the assembled members of the opposite sex when a young lady approached me and said, “Mister, your face is awfully red and you are going to burst a blood vessel if you don’t let your breath out.”

Today I keep my 260 lb., 42 inch waistline in a lounge chair and usually covered with a towel. I still receive a few looks, but now they seem to be ones of sympathy.

Now, how’s that for IMAGE?


“If a ‘Piano Player’ is a Pianist;?”    “Should a ‘Race Car Driver’ be a Racist?”      Dj.


Mistakes That’s Common

Lately, I have had troubles understanding this so-called,  “WITH_IT” generation.  Perhaps there are plausible explanations for this, since they have no desire to appeal to someone who could be considered “over the hill.”  Examples of the confusion which these words and terms cause me follows; along with my own interpretation.

LONG DISTANCE CARRIER:  The person whom you send to return the borrowed milk bucket to your grandmother who lives two miles away.

SWEEPSTAKES:  Branches from a dogwood tree that are tied together; for the purpose of ridding the yard of debris.

ADDER:  In addition to being a type of snake, this word can have two meanings.  A.“You younguns can’t go play until adder you git yo’ lessons.  ”B.“Mr. Jones, I’ll pay my grocery bill if you’ll adder up.”

HARD CORE:  “If you don’t watch out, you’ll break a tooth on the hard core of that pear.”

UNCALLED FOR:  “Mazie put on her new dress and fixed up for her date and set there in the swing for two hours, “un-called for.”

BENIGN:  “That happened last year ’cause Jethro was eight an’ he’ll benign next month.”

HEAD FOR THE MOUNTAINS:  “What all us flatlanders do when we take a vacation in the middle of the summer.”

BYTES:  “What we get all over our bodies from them redbugs when the blackberries get ripe.”  “We got bytes all over out body.”

SOFTWARE:   “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times; not to put starch in my drawers.”

HARD DRIVE:  “From here to FLORIDA, is a hard drive in a “Model “A.”.  “It takes most of the day.””

RAP:   “Instead of a type of music accompanied by a loud thump-thump beat, this is what you got over the head.”   “if you didn’t git yo’ lessons.”

Since I am definitely not considered “up-town,” my only alternative is to consider that today’s youth simply “ain’t had no raising;” and strive to alleviate the inaccuracies which dominate the speech patterns of today’s society.

Reward for my diligent efforts would be to hear one young person say….

“ADDER a HARD DRIVE up thare to Waxhaw,   I jus’ want to take a bath, change my SOFTWARE, put some Calamine lotion on them ‘skeeter BYTES and HEAD FOR THE MOUNTAINS.   Since Jethro’ll BENIGN soon, how come he can’t use th’ SWEEPSTAKES? 

Miss. Mamie-Lee;  She’s been UNCALLED FOR:  So she can be the LONG DISTANCE CARRIER.  If she objects, jus’ RAP her over th’ head.  Besides:  I jus’ got the HARD CORE from that Crab-Apple, stuck in my “wind-pipe.”

“It’s obvious that I expect no more from others than I, myself, am willing to give.”   “After all—-“…”It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it”.

Jay Henry

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Shedding Tears

While waiting for the pump to stop denoting that the gasoline tank was full;  I began to reminisce about the many times my family would spend a;  ‘Weekend at the beach for less than $10.00’ or less”

. Sounds unbelievable, doesn’t it?

At that time, We owned a ‘1062 Ford Falcon Sedan;’  It was exactly like the one’s pictured in the photo’s of the “Dealers Sale Pamphlet’s,” that we lug to the ;‘Recycle Bin’ each week.   In addition to this vehicle;  We were the proud owners of a ‘Nimrod Pop-Up Camper.’

With the the “Nimrod,” packed and hitched to the Falcon; we would fill the tank with gasoline for less than $3.00. Traveling some 200 miles; after work on Friday: We would arrive at the “Sherwood Forrest Family Campground; in Myrtle Beach, S. C.  around “Midnight:” We would snooze in the car, until they opened; and  “hopefully,” secure a campsite on the ‘First row:’  “For the whopping fee of $2.00 for the next night.”

By driving the distance at night;  This left a full day to frolic in the sun and surf on Saturday and most of the day on Sunday.  Since we only had around five to six hours driving time in order to be home by bedtime; we took advantage of as much daylight to ‘Frolic in and around the Ocean’.   Of course:  We were young then; and our stamina was such that we could survive with less rest.

“NOTE”  “Just last evening;” “Mama and I re-read this article on my “Blog-Site;” and “BOFFUS HAD TO GO TO BED.”

The Falcon’s gas mileage was great, and if we did not drive it while at the beach, we could return home before needing gas again. This, in effect, allowed us to splurge for a  “TREAT.”   “A NIGHT OUT FOR DINNER!”

Our children were convinced that ‘MacDonald’s Hamburgers’ were far superior to their Mother’s meager fare, that was prepared over a camp stove.

I am certain that: “In that day”, the major Oil Companies, as well as their Dealers, made a profit on their product; and this is as it should be.  But; when the pump filled my gas tank and I read the amount of my purchase, ($32.66): My reminiscing stopped and tears formed in my eyes.

What made the ‘Cheese more binding,’ was the fact that I had just read that all the major Oil Companies have enjoyed record “billions” in profits for the last couple of years.

I realize that our economy has improved over the last 40 or so years and we expect to pay more for products than we did during the ’50’s or ’60’s. However, my feelings are that our esteemed lawmakers should take a hard look at the excessive profits from oil and compare these profits to those of other consumer goods, as well as the average incomes of their constituents.

If our elected officials will closely investigate, it is quite possible that they will find these exorbitant profits are out of line and perhaps, they; (???), will act on legislation to moderate them.

Is it possible that the main reason for not doing so; would be that most of them are too busy seeking money for the purpose being elected or re-elected; that they are hesitant to bite the hands that feed them?

Please excuse any blunders you find here.  It is quite hard for us “OLD FOLKS” to write; and to wipe tears away at the same time.  Just remember:  “YOUR TIME IS COMING.” 


“Shh-hh!” “It’s a Secret.”

I have just discovered an amazing secret. There is a little man sitting in a dark, corner office in Washington, D.C., whose sole responsibility is to gather informative bits of wisdom and make it available to those of us who demand to know everything about everything.

Like everyone else in the nation’s capitol, he is on the federal payroll to the tune of some $200,000.00 – ‘plus’ – each year.  He is also given free rein to travel to remote areas of the world in search of facts; without which, the general public would be hard pressed to merely, survive unaided.


Fifty percent of all Americans will have a car stolen from them.

A pound of nuts in their shells equals half a pound of shelled ones. “Really??”

Eyestrain can be avoided by looking up, down and to the sides every twenty minutes when driving long distances.

There is no significant difference in the insides of white and brown eggs.

Eight quarts of dried beans will feed one hundred people.

Men rate female attributes, #1-Attractive Face, #2-Shapely Legs and; #3-Shapely Bosom.

The tips of tall pointed trees such as the Spruce, usually lean to the north or east.

A normal dog can safely carry half his weight in a backpack.

The new toilet on the space shuttle carries a price tag of;  “$23 million; ‘plus tax”.

70-90% of prisoners smoke; (‘_______;’preferred Brand): According to an estimate.

Food cravings only lasts 20 minutes before they subside:  “For how long?

“One out of every six;” Airline flights arrive at their destination LATE.

Phone calls for psychological counseling are “Tax Deductible.”

Sixty percent of all garage sale customers arrive before 10 a.m”.

Covering a toilet seat with paper is a ‘waste of time’. Disease is not transmitted by skin exposure in public places.

2.8 million pieces of airline luggage are, ‘Wrongfully-Routed,’ each year.

“Red”, and “Beige”,  Cars, sell better on the resale market.

Suburban Americans have healthier skin than do city dwellers.

Chickens bought on Monday are most likely leftover from the weekend.

Cheating takes place in 10 % of all card games.

Only 2% of future retirees will be able to maintain their current standard of living.

U.S. paper money is usually “Folded within the Wallets of  Business Men.”

“Now that you have gained all this valuable knowledge, go on;  Try it on your friends and neighbors. Especially the ones who turn their backs when you walk outside.”

Not only will ‘they be taken a-back:’  They will ‘stand in awe and admiration of you.’

Those of us who cannot live without this astounding information; offer our thanks to the little man in that dark, corner office; with sincere hopes that the proposed budget cuts do not affect the vital service which he untiringly provides.

This has been another example of your government at work for you.

“Sort of makes you want to return about half of your Social Security:”   “Doesn’t it?”


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I Remember.

My memory goes back; to what some people refer to as the “good old days”. The primary reasoning for this description of the 1930’s / 40’s;  is that they have heard, from us ‘OLD FOLKS’; that a pair of shoes could be purchased for $1.98; or a shirt for $.98 cents.

They have not taken into consideration that one would have to work for better than two days to earn enough for these expenditures. In those days, an adult’s weekly wages would have amounted to less than the money that many of today’s children receive as an allowance.

I suppose the fact of the financial situation of most families during and just after the depression was, at best, despondent; and is the reason that even now; many folks, (Including myself): Cannot; nonchalantly, bring ourselves to pay $150.00 or $200.00 for a pair of shoes.

Allowance’s; were something enjoyed by the “RICH”; “CITY”; children and something that rural kids only dreamed about. Any monies that they were able to earn were necessarily, combined in an effort to keep the wolf from the door.

As the economy improved, more modern conveniences were added to the lives of rural Americans. A couple of these conveniences were the Automobile and the Telephone.

The Automobile was perhaps the most helpful for the rural families since they could travel distances in a few hours that would take all day in a horse-drawn Wagon; / Buggy.

But; only a few of today’s citizens are aware that the cost for a ‘tank of gasoline’ for their Transportation, alone; is more than they paid for the “Wagon or Buggy; and possibly the Horse.   “Chances are good that the  Automobile, itself; cost more than their Homestead,”

Now comes the Telephone:  The first rural unit; was usually, a wall-mounted box, with a crank on one side; that would ring into “CENTRAL”; where a pleasant voice would ask,  Number, please?”

If we didn’t know the number; all that was necessary was to ask the nice lady to ring Doctor Pervis.  I suppose here was the first problem; with this new method of contact with others.   If the call was confidential, we would simply have to ask Mrs. Belton; and possibly Mrs. Smith; (two of several people on our party line),  “To Hang Up.”

Certainly, we were not asked to press or say English. Nor were we asked to press or say “ONE;”  if we wanted an appointment, or “FOUR;” if asking about a bill, etc.   They did not even ask us to call  Bob’s Law Service; at  “FREE!” 1-800-28577:  If we are being sued for “Cussing”, before hanging up on; “Public Cleaning House.”

These computer-driven telephones have been a thorn in my side for several years. Dialing a number and being asked to say what language I want to speak really grates on my last nerve.

Hey, Look!   This is America and we are Americans, talking on an American Telephone. If different languages are so important to the ones we are calling, they should hire an interpreter” to answer their darned telephone.

“I seriously doubt if any other country worries about whether or not we can understand when we make a call on Their Telephone.”  “They won’t even put our number in the pot to be drawn for,  ‘THE MILLION DOLLAR PER DAY;’  jackpot.

“Okay:” “I’ll quit bitching, now”.  Dj.   “Stop me; if you’ve heard this one.”  Dj.


“Going to Mill.”

“Got a hankering for cornbread?”   “No problem”.   “Just run down to the corner Grocery and decide whether you want:  “Muffin Mix”, “Plain” or “Self-Rising- Meal”, “Oven”, or “Microwavable”.

In the 1930’s – 1940’s, this was much more complicated.  It required a trip to the Corn Crib to select the most matured ears of Corn reserved for grinding into Meal or Grits.  The bulk of the ears were fed to the Horses and Mules; and the “NUBBINS” were fed to the Hogs.  “NOTE:”  “Very little was wasted”.  Dj.

“The first operation was to shuck the ears’, (all the while), ‘saving the shucks for Cow Food.”   “If the farm was profitable?; stored somewhere near the Crib, was a hand-cranked Corn Ear Sheller, attached to a wooden box.”
The husked ears were fed into the contraption and by turning the crank, the grains of corn were removed from the cob, falling into the box. The cobs were saved for scrap, Material: (“KINDLING”): To start fires with; (after soaking in Kerosene).
When a sufficient amount of Corn had been shelled, it was put in a clean, bleached, sack to carry to “Woodwards Mill” to be ground into Meal and / or Grits.  Since work around the farm must continue during suitable weather, ‘going to mill’ was reserved for a rainy day. 
If the need for meal was critical, a youngster would be dispatched to ride a Horse or Mule to the Mill; with the sack of Corn across the animals back.  The mill of choice for most farm families in our vicinity, was one powered by water.
“Woodwards Mill;” was located beside the spillway of a huge lake with the discharged water funneled into the large waterwheel on one side.  When the gate was opened and the wheel turning, belts inside; moved the round stones with chiseled grooves around, that literally crushed the kernels into fine meal.  By raising the top stone slightly, the results were grits. 
The Miller’s usual fee for grinding Corn was to take a “TOLL” of “three or four ‘scoops,” from the sack of Corn, before pouring the rest into the hopper.  Grits were usually the last operation before (Shut-Down) of the Water-Wheel.
 When the grinding was finished, the meal was scooped back into one sack and the Grits in another; as the youngster climbed onto the animal, and rested the warm Meal against his legs.
At home, the Meal was stored in a galvanized “Lard Stand” and sealed against any infestation. The family could now rest assured that there would be; Cornbread with every ‘Noon and Evening Meal; and Grits for every Breakfast.  It really couldn’t get any better, (“Or the cost any cheaper;)  “Am, I Right”?   Dj.



Susie Mae, she done ‘cided’ta go on this hear diet.  She tolt me that Miz. Mazie, she had taken an’ went on hit an’ she done loss forty fore pounds an’ she ‘lowed as how Susie Mae cud stand -’ta’ drap near – ‘bout that much.

I ups an’ axed Susie Mae iffen she got on that thare diet; whot wuz, “I gonna git ta eat?”  She sez ta me, she sez, “Jay Henry honey,”  “I jus’ don’t ‘spec you’s gonna suffer none as long as Silas has got any pork an’ beans an’ potted meat an’ crackers at th’ store.”

Now me, I didn’t take too kindly ta this hear tawk so I ups an’ sez, “Lissin hear womern:”  “Whenst I married up wiff you, you promissed ta fix me three squares a day; an’ I’se done got used ta eatin’ high on th’ hog; an’ I ‘specks you’d better ferget that thare diet an’ stay fat;”  “So Thare; Mis  Bubble-Britches.”

She flew mad as a wet settin’ hen.  She railed out at me an’ sez, “I’ll have you know I ain’t fat!  I’se jus a mite hefty tha’s all:”  “An’ I’se goin’ on that thare diet come hell’er high water.”  “So Thare; ‘ya-self; Mr. smarty pants!”

She grabbed her bonnet an’ taken off to th’ store an bought a hole mess uv fixens fer that thare diet.  Atter she had done got back, she axed me ta set up th cotton scales so’s she cud ‘WAY’ ‘fore she started an’ cud tell iffen she were losin’ any ‘wait’.

I went out ta th’ barn an’ tied a rope to th’ rafters an’ hung th scales on hit.  Whenst hit were ready, Susie Mae come out thare an’ tolt me that “Th’ Little Pee,” (weight), wud be ’nough ta way her.”  I tolt her I wuz a’thinkin’ more like hit wud take “Th’ Big Pee; Th’ Little Pee; an’ then some.”

Atter all these years, I ort’ta knowed better’n ta aig her on like that thare.  She got in such a dither, I thot she were gonna swaller her snuff.

Th’ stuff whot she were ‘llowed ta eat wuz stuff lak Collard leav’s, sallit, aigs, raw carrots, an’ I don’t know whot all; an’ she cud’nt dramk nuthin ‘cept grapefruit juce wiff no ‘lasses in hit.  Th’ thangs whot she missed mos’ wuz, Corn Bread, Fat Back, ‘Taters an’ stuff lak that thare.

Atter while, folks commenced ta axe me iffin I had me a bad case uv “Worms.”  I had “Fell-Off, ‘til I were jus’ ‘bout skin an’ bones.

I tolt Susie Mae that iffen she didn’t commence a’cookin’ me some decent vittles, I were gonna parrish ta death ‘er else I were gonna have; “Ta buy me some new Overalls.  Now let me tell you; that thare done th’ trick.” 

B’then she hyeard that I were ‘sidderin’ spendin’ money on new Overalls, she commence weannin’ herself offin that thare diet.  Iffen theys anythang whot Susie Mae ‘spises, hits anybodie else a’spendin’ money.  She had ‘bout ‘cided she had ruther be hefty than have ta ‘splain ta folks that I ain’t “WORMY.” “I’se jus hongry.”

Jay Henry


During the late 1950’s or early 1960’s; my Bride and I, were saddled with an ‘enormous’? House payment ($79.00); along with other monthly payments that normally face a young couple with two small children.  Our attempts to budget our tiny paychecks usually amounted to naught.  One of the major expenses we agonized over each month was gasoline, (37.9 cents per gallon).

The only vehicle that we owned at the time was a genuine ‘Gas-Guzzler’.  You know the type: A huge vehicle, with an eight-cylinder engine that would pass everything on the road; except a ‘Gas Station’. 

The wheels in my brain began to turn and I concluded that this monster had to go.  Surely:  Somewhere, there was a Vehicle that would be more cost friendly and I vowed to search it out.

One of my days off was spent visiting various dealers until I found what should be the answer to our dilemma.  “I returned home with a small, “Four-Cylinder; Italian made; vehicle; that the Dealer;- swore; would run for a Month, on one tank of Gasoline.” We had no reason to doubt this Dealer since we were unfamiliar with him; or, any of the Foreign-made Automobiles; nevertheless; we ended up; “stuck with the FIAT”.

On Sunday, following the purchase:, We dressed the boys; and my lovely wife, donned her “Other Dress,” for Sunday school and Church.  When we drove into the parking lot, I spied a vacant parking space in front of the ground level windows of our basement Sunday School room.

The boys and I began walking to the entrance and then noticed that MOM was still seated in the car.  Thinking that she had suddenly become ill: I returned to the vehicle to ask if anything was wrong.  She merely shrugged her shoulders and answered emphatically: “I will get out; JUST as soon as you turn this #&%*#@%$ car around!”

It was here that I learned a valuable lesson that I had not previously thought about.  The front doors of the “Fiat” opened from front to rear and my parking with the front of the car nearest the windows allowed anyone in our Sunday school room an ‘Unencumbered view of her exit.’

This was only one of the many blunders that I have committed during our Sixty – Three years of togetherness that she; ‘even now,’ refuses to allow me to forget.

Example::::  If, by chance: I mention that;  “We have no need “what-so-ever;”  The glassware that she ordered from one of her many catalogs last week:” – “Her reply is quick always, and to the point;”    “What about the; “#&*@%#”$?*~*%$#”   “FIAT??”

“Enough said.”  I quickly learned that anyone who will use tactics like the above simply to win an argument will “CUTTYAH;” if given the opportunity.”   Dj.


Women;?? “CUSS” ???

I can vividly remember a time when females would not venture outside the home without full length dresses complete with long sleeves and even stockings. Anyone breaking this dress code would immediately be branded as immoral; promiscuous; brazen; and in extreme instances; possibly, “A  Slut”.

Not only was this code strictly enforced, their actions were also subject to scrutiny. Very few of the fairer sex would chance being observed entering an establishment that served any form of Alcoholic Beverages.

In fact; most of them.would cross a street rather than walk by a den of iniquity such as described above. To all outward appearances, their virtue was beyond reproach.

So strict were the customs of this time, care was taken on wash day to exclude any article of female underclothes (unmentionables) from the outside clothesline. They were dried within the confines of the house, and immediately stored out of sight from any visitors who happened to drop in unannounced.

If anyone from this period had even imagined that one day, they could open a magazine, or turn on a television set and view women dressed in low cut mini dresses, sitting on a bar stool, nursing tall drinks and exchanging four-letter words with the opposite sex;  they would have regarded it as so much fantasy.

But they had their own ways of verbalizing which was, at least, as emphatic as the words and phrases used by their male counterparts.

Examine, if you would, a gathering of neighborhood wives and daughters at one of the more popular events of this by-gone era, The Quilting Party.

“Dad blame it. I stuck the needle in my finger again.”

“If you weren’t so interested in Mable’s problem; it wouldn’t have happened.”

“Dezzie told me that she was THAT WAY.

Lan-sakes: “Th’ wedding ain’t  ’til next month.”  “I Swannie:  She an that boy both; ain’t nothing but Roun-Here-Buddies.”

“Y’all don’t say nothin’ ’bout this; but Orville saw them at The Wall Mart, t’other day an’ her Ninnie-Pies  was jus’ a’shinnin.” 

“Law-Law, you can’t expect nothing better from somebody, what was just snatched up by th’ the hair of her head.” 

If she really is that way:  “When is she supposed to GET DOWN?”  

Dezzie sez;  Middle of August.”

“Dag-nab it, Maude; put some more cotton in that hole you’re working on.” 

“Bless pat:”  “I’ve got to git home and git Jed’s supper before time to milk.”  “Bye y’all.”

“We’ll finish this Quilt at Sally Jane’s; next week:”  “That is:”  “If she ain’t got one of “HER Headaches”.  “It’s a funny thing:”  “Them headaches didn’t start; until Albert blowed his top; an’ wudn’t  let her go see, ELVIS”:  At th’ ‘Show’; las’ Fall.”

“See what I mean.”  Not a single; “CUSS-WORD:” 

“So now you know.”   “And jus’ remember; you heard it here first.”