Jehosaphat
For much of my life, I have heard references to this fellow and the fact that he jumped around a lot. My anxiety about this person and his apparent infatuation with jumping turned my attention to Mr. Webster’s works.
According to him, Jehosaphat was King of Judah somewhere in the 9th century B.C. Still unexplained is the bit about his jumping. Was his fame attributed to the fact that he originated the workout video?
Reference to this king and his occupation is usually accompanied by surprise and/or unbelief. “Y’all heard ’bout Myrtis a’runnin’ off with that lightning rod salesman?” “Jumpin Jehosphat, ye’recon he’s ever saw her in th’ daylight?”
Things like this worry me. I have been witness to numerous remarks that were never made clear during my childhood, and it was not until lately that they began to bother me. Take, for instance, “As fast as Blalock‘s bull.” I knew a Mr. Blalock and I was certain that he owned a cow but I was reasonably sure that the animal was female. If, in fact he had concealed his ownership of a bull, just how fast was it? Had it ever been clocked?
Another observation which I never quite understood is; “Sure as shooting.” How could the mere discharge of a firearm indicate the certainty of an event? Was any consideration given to whether or not the person firing the weapon was an expert? It seems to me that his ability could possibly leave some doubt. Nevertheless, “Sure as shootin; if he gits paid on Friday, he’ll be drunk on Sad’day.”
While attempting to decipher some of these disturbing referrals, I happened upon a definition of a word which has worried me for years, “Hornswoggle.” According to Mr. Webster, the word means to swindle or hoax. Now, everybody who IS anybody knows that this is totally incorrect. The true meaning is akin to surprise, much like jumpin’ Jehosaphat.
Proof can be found on any given day at the ladies sewing circle. “I hear tell that lightning rod salesman got Myrtis in a family way ‘fore they up an’ run off.” “Well, I’ll be hornswoggled.”
This group could possibly teach Mr. Webster a thing or two. For example, the statement, “All them hoochie-koochie gals do all day is jus’ lie aroun’ an’ Horrify.” See Noah, you thought it meant to shock or feel horror.
Last but certainly not least is the word “Restrain.” Noah says this is to hold back, check or suppress. Wrong again. “Uncle Ben got trash in th’ milk bucket an’ Maw had ta’ restrain hit.”
“That thare ole Noah, he ain’t nuthin’ lak’us smart’us he thinks he be’s.”
Demijon
Caution: Never, Never, ask for a shopping cart at your local Wal-Mart! It’s a BUGGY! Dj.
