A friend of mine had finally been hired for a position with the United States Postal Service that was then operated under the patronage of Civil Service. He concluded that, if he worked hard and demonstrated a willingness to learn everything he could, his future would be secured.
Like all new-hires, he was assigned to the night tour of duty. He reported to the Supervisor and was told to empty all of the canvas bags that contained assorted parcels onto a conveyor belt where other workers were sorting them to the correct bins for distribution.
Working up a sweat, he made quick work of emptying all the bags. Intent on making a good impression on the Supervisor, he asked what he could do next to help move the mail. He was told to unload a truck that was backed up to the platform, full of other bags containing more parcels.
When the truck was empty, another Supervisor told him to roll the float full of bags inside and dump the parcels onto the conveyor belt. These orders were repeated throughout his tour of duty, and as soon as he completed one task, another would be waiting. When all the parcels had been dumped and sorted, he was told to clock out.
Each night during his first three months, his duties were the same-old, same-old. He rationalized that the job that he had been assigned was critical to the smooth operation, and that he had been hand-picked because of his obvious intelligence and devotion to his job.
He gradually became more adept at assuring the parcels were unloaded and dumped as per his instructions, and that he hardly had to ask any questions as to what to do next.
His ability to do the assigned work with minimal supervision led him to believe that he was an essential part of the entire Postal operation. Thus, it was during his six month evaluation period that he approached his immediate Supervisor with the question:
“Tomorrow is my Wife’s and My anniversary. Do you think you can get along without me if I carry her to dinner and a movie tomorrow night?”
The Supervisor’s reply was immediate, “I KNOW DAMNED WELL WE CAN.”
My friend’s ego actually made a noise as it deflated.
Demijon
Down is the only route when the wind is taken from our sails. Dj.
February 28th, 2010
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In the 1950′s, there was very little entertainment in the home of newly married couples and especially the ones with small children. It was not feasible for them to hire a babysitter for a night out since the family income was limited to one paycheck. It was more or less accepted that the mother would keep the home-fires burning and to care for the children while the husband earned their daily bread.
Television was in its infancy and was cost prohibitive for most young couples. There was, however, a source of entertainment available to them that would not break the bank. This was the local Drive-In Theater.
Most of these theaters would set aside one night as family night with an admission of $1.00 per car load. It was not unusual for two families to pool their resources, pack a picnic supper, and load the children into an available Station Wagon for a double-feature at the Starlite Drive In.
Most drive-ins included a play area, with swings, rocking horses, etc, just in front of the huge screen and well away from the roads that led to the elevated ramps. The families usually arrived early and while the mother fixed the sandwiches and drinks, the fathers supervised the children in the play area.
The theater provided music for the early-birds and announced over the speakers placed on posts beside the cars, just how much time was left before the movies would begin. This gave everyone time to play, eat their supper and prepare the beds in back for the youngest children without missing any of the action.
As a general rule, the program began with a Pathe Newsreel, followed by brief bits of coming attractions, a cartoon and, of course, chapter 6 of “Jungle Jim and the Headhunters.”
The tired children were asleep by the time the feature movie began. This was usually a drama followed by either a Western or another Action picture. Is there anywhere today that two families can enjoy more that two hours of entertainment for a total of $1.00?
Alas, Television and the invention and popularity of computers put an end to the Drive-In Theaters. If anyone today is interested in viewing the latest product from Hollywood, they are required to; – hire a babysitter @ 5.00 + per hour; drive to one of the Malls with Multi-Theaters; stand in line 30/40 minutes, pay as much as $40.00 – $50.00 admission; and are still not able to take advantage of the play area swings.
You decide: Have we really “come a long way, baby?”
Demijon
Some of us can revive the good old days, in our minds, at least. Dj.
February 28th, 2010
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It is customary for friends and sometimes relatives to relate incidents about the lives of dearly departed loved ones.
“Just to pay our respects,” they rationalize. In certain cases this can become burdensome when the departed one has led a life that was far from ideal.
Knowing that the funeral service is directed toward the living; most people will not risk recounting inappropriate behavior and will only depict the person as a staunch, upstanding citizen. The fact that his / her, less than perfect, conduct was well known does nothing to deter their glowing tributes.
In services when no eulogy is performed, it becomes the task of the clergy to speak favorably of the deceased primarily for the benefit of the survivors. This difficult task is intensified when the person is unknown to them. In situations of this type, most ministers will limit their commendations to the promises of a better life as foretold in The Bible.
The eulogy is an important part of many services and some incorporate more than one presentation of the flawless aspects of the person’s life. In my humble opinion, this does more harm than good. To place the person on a pedestal after death instead of reaching out to them while they were living is erroneous; but most of us feel a responsibility to speak well of the dead.
Personally, I would like to think that at sometime during my life, I have influenced someone enough that they would endeavor to eulogize me. Since my faults outweigh my attributes this would essentially be brief. Not the long, drawn out affair afforded to persons of significantly better deportment; but rather an acknowledgment of the fact that there was, at least, one person who could truthfully say…
“I have considered it an honor and a privilege to have been able to call this person a friend.”
Enough said! Subsequent praise would appear unfounded and inappropriate to those who knew of my imperfect lifestyle.
Demijon
After age 70, the things you purchase are not likely to wear out. Dj.
February 27th, 2010
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I happened across a photo of an antique John Deere tractor yesterday, pictured at left. This machine was well before my time although I could not find the date of the antique.
The photo as compared with my current John Deere mower, shown below, indicates that it is probably one of the first tractors manufactured by the famous J.D. firm since the wheels were steel with cleats instead of the modern day rubber tires.
There were no specifications accompanying the photo, as to the power of the machine available, nor were there any explanation as to why the cleats on the wheels were essential. I take it for granted that the above machine was designed for work in the fields, and /or new grounds, rather than to mow domestic lawns.
I do know that very few rural folks maintained a smooth and well cared for yard in the olden days when this antique was in its hey-day; and, even then, homeowners would object to the steel cleats digging into the surface of their yards. Instead, they kept a weed free, swept, landscape.
The few city dwellers that insisted on grass in their yards, relied on a push- mowers for keeping the grass trimmed. I experienced the drudgery of using a push, reel-type, mower as a teenager and even when my child-bride and I were trying to keep up with the Jones’ by sowing grass in the yard of our first home.
In later years, and with the both of us working, we were able to afford a power, rotary, push mower; but it was close to our retirement years before we were able to sit on a comfortable seat, turn a key, and let a machine do all the work.
The ease of lawn mowing was not necessarily to our advantage since we were then required to resort to diets and additional exercise in attempts to control our ever expanding waistlines. However, we did enjoy a more laid-back lifestyle, even though it was detrimental to our health.
Now, in the twilight of our advanced years, we can accept or reject the fact that we are keeping twenty-eight Doctors employed full time.
It’s true that we’ve come “A long way, Baby.”
And the medical profession appreciates it.
Demijon
February 26th, 2010
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I can vividly remember a time when females would not venture outside the home without full length dresses complete with long sleeves and even stockings. Anyone breaking this dress code would immediately be branded as immoral, promiscuous, brazen, and in extreme instances a fallen woman, or even a slut.
Not only was this code strictly enforced, their actions were also subject to scrutiny. Very few of the fairer sex would chance being observed entering an establishment that served any form of alcoholic beverages. In fact, most would cross a street rather than walk by a den of iniquity such as described above. To all outward appearances, their virtue was beyond approach.
So strict were the customs of this time, care was taken on washday to exclude any article of female underclothes (unmentionables) from the outside clothesline. They were dried within the confines of the house and immediately stored out of sight from any visitors who happened to drop in unannounced.
If anyone from this period had even imagined that one day, they could open a magazine, or turn on a television set and view women dressed in low cut mini-dresses, sitting on a bar stool, nursing tall drinks and exchanges four-letter words with the opposite sex, they would have regarded it as so much fantasy.
But; they had their own ways of verbalizing which was, at least, as emphatic as the words and phrases used by their male counterparts. Examine, if you would, a gathering of neighborhood wives and daughters at one of the more popular events of this by-gone era, the quilting party.
“Dad blame it, I stuck the needle in my finger again.”— “If you weren’t so all-fired interested in Mertis’s problems, it wouldn’t have happened.”— “Dezzie tole me that she was that way.”— “Lan’ sakes, the wedding ain’t ‘til next month.” — “I swannie; she an that boy both ain’t nothing but roun-here-buddies.” — “Y’all don’t breath a word of this but Orville said he seen them at th’ Wal-Mart t’other day an’ her bosoms were just a’shining.”— “Law-law, you can’t expect nothing better from somebody what was just snatched up by the hair of her head.”— If she really is that way, when is she supposed to get down?” — Dezzie sez, th’ middle of August. “Dag nab it, Maude, put some more cotton in that hole you’re working on.”
“Lonnie said he passed by the Rollins farm yesterday an’ they was a whole bunch of bloomers and teddies hanging on the clothesline.” — “Bless their hearts; what do you expect from somebody that was raised up there in Maryland?”
“It’s just not decent, Allie; that’s all.” — “Bless pat, look at the time. I’ve got to git home and git Jed’s supper before time to milk.” “Bye y’all.”
Demijon
Now you know. And remember, you heard it here first.
February 26th, 2010
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Memories reminiscent of a by-gone era
Part one: “All day dinner and preaching on the grounds”
I remember well the second Sunday in August. Not only was this a time between tending the crops and harvest, this day signaled the beginning of a full week of revival services at the small church nestled in the grove of pines of rural South Carolina.
Preparations for this spiritual nourishment had begun the preceding week with the annual cleaning of the church property and the erecting or repairing of long tables situated under the dense shade of a cluster of china berry trees adjacent to the one room house of worship. These tables would accommodate the feast which would be spread immediately following the morning service and before the afternoon service; hence the term, “all day preaching with dinner on the grounds.” There were, of course, some who preferred to reverse the terminology in a weird attempt at mirth. Thus: All day dinner with preaching on the grounds.
Services began with the entire congregation assembled for Sunday school. After a hymn, prayer and announcements, the group retired to their respective classes. Since there were no separate classrooms; taut wires were fastened in a criss-cross pattern throughout the building, on which were hung white curtains. By pulling these curtains the church could be partitioned into the adult ladies, adult men, young adults, children, and nursery classes. It was here that the lessons from the standard Sunday school literature, The Quarterly, were taught. Following the lesson segment, the curtains were slid to the outside walls and the congregation re-assembled for the secretary’s report, another hymn, a prayer and it was now time for preaching.
As a general rule, the pastor brought the message at the morning service on the first day of revival. The afternoon sermon would be delivered by a visiting minister as would the morning and the evening sermons for the following week. After exactly one hour of preaching and a ten minute prayer, the pastor invited everyone to gather outside for ‘dinner on the grounds.’
The ladies left immediately to put out the food while the men huddled in groups and discussed anything from the minister’s sermon up to and including whether the recent drought had affected the yield from their crops. Then the large dinner bell clanged as a signal that the feast was about to begin.
The pastor offered a prayer of Thanksgiving and everyone got in line with paper plates in hand. Mothers were allowed first in line to fix a plate for their children. Behind them it was every man for themselves. The contents of bowl after bowl of potato salad, green beans, corn-on-the-cob, fried chicken, banana pudding, ham, deviled eggs, and biscuits quickly disappeared.
Demijon
February 25th, 2010
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Memories reminiscent of a by-gone era.
Part Two: Revival week – Preaching.
The arrival of the visiting minister was a big event in this close knit community. The fact that he had missed the dinner meant that he would not have the opportunity to meet many of the members and regular attendees of the annual affair. It was, therefore, decided that someone in the community would act as chauffeur during the week and accompany him on his visits to members and possible candidates for membership within the vicinity. The pastor was unable to fulfill these duties due to the fact that he was required to hold a full time job to supplement the meager salary the church could afford as payment for his services.
Wilbur was the most likely nominee for the job as driver since he neither farmed nor held a full time job. His subsistence came from various odd jobs and he was the proud owner of a 1939 Hudson Hornet which would convey the minister on his rounds in relative comfort. Another plus in this arrangement was that he would have ample time to recruit a long-time backslider, Wilbur himself.
The afternoon service began at 2.30 p.m. With the exclusion of Sunday school, it followed the pattern of the morning service until the visiting minister ascended to the pulpit. He pulled a pocket watch from his vest pocket, laid it on the edge of the pulpit and slowly wound the chain around it. He then clasped his Bible in his left hand and raised it above his head. He pounded the pulpit with his right fist and roared, “ALL OF YOU ARE SINNERS!” Thus he began what would be a lengthy sermon. Alternatively reading a verse of scripture and then explaining just how this assembly had fallen short in the obedience to the Word. After weaving from one side of the lectern to the other for at least 30 minutes, beads of sweat appeared on his face. He removed his coat and vest, loosened his tie, wiped his face with a monogrammed handkerchief, and got down to the real business of preaching.
He was well into his second hour when his voice became soft. He began pleading with the congregation to come forward and take his hand, thus offering their lives to the Lord while everyone sang twelve verses of “Just as I am.” When several people had ventured forth, he returned to the pulpit, put his vest and coat on, wound the watch and put in away and began to pray.
With the final A-men spoken some two hours and fifteen minutes after the service began. He invited the entire assembly to welcome the ones who had come forward and took his place at the entrance of the church to greet everyone and accept an invitation from a staunch member for dinner the following evening. Similar services continued until Thursday night when The Meetings Broke.
Demijon
February 25th, 2010
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In the rural community where I was raised, there were a few individuals who thrived on practical jokes. All of us had, at one time or another, been victimized and were wary of any new product that these Jokesters either made or otherwise acquired. One of their favorites was an obsolete T-Model Coil, pictured at left.
The Model “T”, or Tin Lizzie, required a magnetic ignition coil to provide the spark that ignited the fuel mixture inside the piston chambers. Occasionally, these coils would become weak and require replacement.
Almost daily, our Jokesters could be found digging into the trash barrels outside a garage in search of these coils. They had figured a way to wire these coils to a live battery of another automobile and attach a ground wire to the metal body of the car. Once installed, a switch could be activated, or the two wires connected, and the metal body would become “hot”, therefore, emitting a low-voltage shock to anyone who contacted the car.
I cannot remember when or how, I happened upon one of these coils; but I rigged it up to my fathers Model “A”. I installed a switch underneath the dashboard that could be reached from the outside of the vehicle with the drivers side window lowered.
One of my uncles owned a bulldog that thought his job consisted of wetting down the wheels of any car that ventured onto his property. The wire wheels of the Model “A” were a pain to clean after “Bouge” did his thing and the dust and mud from the dirt roads settled on them.
One day, I decided to teach him a valuable lesson. I drove the car into my uncle’s yard, lowered the window, flipped the switch, and stepped onto the porch. I saw “Bouge” approaching the car to do his duty. This time, he decided to begin with the right rear wheel.
If any reader is familiar with electricity, they know that electrical current and water does not mix. When “Bouge” hiked his back leg, he jumped about two feet into the air and with a series of doggy screams ran to the solitude of his bed in the corner of the barn.
This incident prompted my thinking about embarking on a career as a “Dog Trainer.” Alas; this profession was not to be since my father objected to the wiring of the coil to his Model “A”. He arrived at this decision after he inadvertently activated the switch and felt the sting from the six-volt battery.
He neither jumped nor screamed; but the look he gave me spoke volumes. It was then that I realized that it would be less hazardous to become a Demolition Expert rather than to attempt a career involving a Coil from a Tin Lizzie.
Demijon
How many men does it take to open a beer? None: It should be open when she hands it to you. Dj.
February 24th, 2010
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There are still a few of us who would jump at the chance to own a Model “A” such as the one pictured at left.
I suppose this vehicle was considered basic transportation; but it served us well in the days when an inexpensive, reliable, automobile could be owned by the average family for an outlay of a few hundred dollars rather than thousands.
Powered by a four cylinder engine with an up-draft carburetor that provided acceptable gas mileage; it had no need for a fuel pump. The fuel tank was located just in front of the windshield and gravity fed the carburetor.
Most importantly, the Model “A” was unique in that it did not require six or more years of payments along with three or four co-signers to purchase. Most purchasing transactions consisted of a down payment of whatever amount of cash was available and a handshake completed the contract.
If a small farm produced one bale of cotton that was not essential for the families livelihood, they could buy one and travel in comfort rather than relying on the wagons and buggies that heretofore was standard transportation.
Perhaps one of the more popular features of the vehicle was that most of the required service could be performed by anyone with the elemental knowledge of internal combustion engines and with standard tools. It was commonly stated that a Model “A” could be kept in “tip-top” shape with nothing more than a pair of pliers and a length of baling wire.
Although top speed was around 75 miles-per-hour, a respectable speed of 35 / 40 MPH was satisfactory on the rutted dirt and gravel roads that dotted the landscape in most rural communities. Original 19 inch rims and tires elevated the car to sufficient height to navigate the deep ruts without incident.
Tires of the day held inner tubes that could be removed and patched in the event of a flat. Most Service Stations sold kits of small, medium and large patches, along with glue to repair the tubes, and the car came equipped with a jack as well as a tire pump.
The three forward gears and one reverse were obtained by moving the shift lever protruding from the floor, between the two front bucket seats. I suppose that by today’s terminology, this would be referred to as 3-in-the-floor.
The front bucket seats folded to allow passengers access to the rear bench seat in the two-door sedan. Although designed to seat five, it was not unusual to observe families of ten or twelve packed inside.
Another popular feature was the original “AA-OO-GG-AA” horn mounted on the left side of the front stabilizer rod that supported the two flaring fenders. This rod also held the two 6 volt headlights and brackets to attach the front State license plate.
With our economy in trouble, it seems to me that some entrepreneur would have the foresight to attempt a revival of the Model “A” as an alternative method of transportation.
However, I am convinced that if someone tried to revive this antique; a Congressional sub-committee would immediately be formed to demand that many safety features, (provided by Congressman Blow’s cousin), be included. They would also insist that the price range for the vehicles would exceed the cars that were “Bailed-Out” by taxpayer’s money. Essentially these taxpayers would be the first ones in line to buy the resurrected Model “A.” Doesn’t that tell us something?
Demijon
Regardless of the wishes ‘of the people’; The Lobbyists would have won again.
February 21st, 2010
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“I wish you would!” Should this statement be considered a desire or a challenge?
There are times when it is tough to distinguish between a legitimate yearning and an invitation to engage in a round or two of fisticuffs. It is a wise man indeed, who can differentiate, therefore, preventing severe blows, on or about, the head and shoulders.
A perfect example of the same phrase being used in different contexts follows.
Bob to Mary’s Mother: “I think I’ll ask Mary to the dance.”
Mary’s Mother to Bob: I wish you would; Poor thing, she does not get asked out very often.”
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Bob to Mary’s boyfriend: “I’m going to ask Mary to go to the dance with me.”
The boyfriend to Bob: “I wish you would; That will give me the opportunity to clean your clock.”
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See the difference? While one is a sincere request, the other is a declaration of intent that possibly would be detrimental to clothing. It is therefore, understandable as to how someone from another culture can become confused.
In many instances, insinuation, (“I wish you would touch me”), is sufficient to indicate that we will retaliate if such action is initiated, therefore, ending the altercation. Note: we have still not agreed to completely commit ourselves to physical performance.
There are, however, times when this poses a bigger problem than actual following through with the threat. We have planted the seed of anticipation and left it to fester and grow in the mind of our adversary.
While we are discussing this, it should be noted that there is at least one instance when the phrase should be avoided at all costs. That is in the event that the aforementioned boyfriend just happens to be a six foot-seven-inch-tall, bully and weighs at least 365 pounds.
Let us suppose that he is; and he says to you; “ Friend: I’m going to hit you so hard on the top of your head that it will break both your shoelaces.” In this case, your response should definitely be:
“Can’t we talk this over?”
Extreme caution should be taken if we are on the far side of Medicare, and become involved in a similar ruckus. It is a proven fact that we are subject to fall quicker and our fragile bones break easier due to the extra weight we carry around. It is also quite possible that our falling could injure another person or, God forbid, break a valuable antique.
Demijon
Is the hair color listed on Drivers’ License for bald men FLESH? Dj.
February 21st, 2010
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A friend of mine had finally been hired for a position with the United States Postal Service that was then operated under the patronage of Civil Service. He concluded that, if he worked hard and demonstrated a willingness to learn everything he could, his future would be secured.
