Many years ago, a friend of mine was the owner of a 1958 Ford station wagon. At the same time my vehicle was a 1957 Ford station wagon that was similarly equipped. My friend decided to trade his vehicle for another that he had seen shining under the string of naked light bulbs at a used car dealer’s lot.
I accompanied him to the lot and he attempted to strike a deal with the salesman. The salesman was fervent in his praise for the shiny automobile that had attracted the attention of my friend. Although the price of the car seemed reasonable to my friend, when they got around to the trade-in price for the station wagon, there they struck a knot.
“We both know that my car is worth much more than you are offering,” my friend said. To which the salesman replied, “But it’s a 1958 and that model just simply will not sell. Now, if it was a 1957, it would bring almost twice as much.”
After about an hour, they were no closer to finalizing the trade, and my friend and I left the lot after repeated attempts on the part of the salesman to get my friend to “come on in the office and we’ll deal.”
Upon leaving, wheels began to turn in my feeble mind as I thought about what he had said about a 1957 model bringing twice as much as a 1958 model. Perhaps he knew something about the particular model that just happened to be MY mode of transportation that had escaped me, and perhaps I could opt for the shiny one on display at his lot.
Coaxing “Old Bessie” to a rumbling start, I proceeded to the lot, intent on taking full advantage of my valuable possession by trading it in. Arriving at the car lot, I listened to much of the same praise for their car but from another salesman.
Much haggling over the purchase price transpired before a trade-in offer was made for “Old Bessie.” Imagine my surprise when the offer was much lower than the one made to my friend. Noting my dejected demeanor, the salesman promptly said, “Your car is a 1957 model and for some reason, they just won’t sell. If you had a 1958 Ford station wagon, I could offer you almost twice what I can on a 1957.”
Ever since this experience, I have harbored distrust for most used car salesmen, especially the ones who try to lure you into the office to complete the paperwork even before you agree to a “deal.”
No one likes to be informed that the product that has become like a family member is worthless and the one that is for sale is priceless.
Salesmen, take heed. Your future just may be at stake. Give us a fair price for our merchandise and charge a fair price for yours, and we’ll beat a path to your door. By praising your product at the same time you downgrade ours will serve only to keep us away in droves.
Demijon
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell; is he homeless or naked? Dj.
December 31st, 2009
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I remember seeing a cartoon at the city counter of a large auto parts firm once that depicted a hen being chased by a rooster and the caption was, “It’s new customers that we’re after. We take good care of our old customers.”
This theory has been a guide for many successful businesses throughout history. It’s really very simple. Keep the established clientele happy and in turn, they will respond by assuring that there is a constant flow of new blood. The satisfied customers are the ones that can be depended on to keep the doors open.
All too often we adopt the attitude of concentrating all of our efforts on new business. After all if it does not work we can always fall back on our old customers. But sadly, it doesn’t work that way.
Many times old customers grow tired of being ignored in favor of new faces, and turn to businesses where they are appreciated for what they are, the backbone of this particular marketplace.
It can and will happen if we are not careful in our approach to everyone, regular clients as well as new ones. Support can be achieved only through the assurance that everyone is important. We cannot rely on a few to sustain us while we diligently search for the ones who have never tried our products.
It is also a proven fact that we cannot please everyone. Why then is it so important to exert all efforts to entice a new customer to join our ranks; while at the same time push the satisfied supporter aside until needed. This is definitely not good business sense. We need them ALL in order to survive.
Our methods of advertising should be to invite everyone to sample our product or services. If they choose to become a regular customer, recognize them for what they are, a valued client; not one who can be ignored when a new challenge is thrust upon us.
By doing so we can be certain to have adequate support, and who knows how many new customers these new people will attract simply by being satisfied with our products and methods.
Word of mouth is a sure-fire method of attracting newcomers. A kind word to everyone, denoting our appreciation of old and new supporters could very possibly guarantee our growth.
By performing this simple task, we will be taking good care of All of our customers.
Demijon
I’ve learned that a smile and a kind word can work wonders. Dj.
December 30th, 2009
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This hear were writ when’st we’uns lived at th’ Ocean. Hit be’s mos’ly true.
Ever Sunday, when we gits outten Church, Susie Mae, she axes me iffen I will take her over ‘cross th’ creek to that thare boardin’ house an’ git her a bought breakfast.
Now y’all got to ‘member that Susie Mae ain’t never been one to do much cookin’. Howsomever, I will have ta say that she can some more whomp up a mess uv creesy sallitt an’ fat back, an’ her spachul be’s her Chitlin’ casserol.
Iffen i ‘gree to haul her over thare, she no more than gits in th’ door til she commences hollerin’ fer Libby. That thare gal has purely spiled Susie Mae ’cause she digs around an’ finds her some uv them lettle boxes uv jelly ta mix up in her grits. That thare womern shore do eat quare.
Anyhows; one day whenst us’ens wuz thare, Susie Mae, she sez to Libby, “Is you ever been up yonder to Charlotte? Libby, she sez yeah an’ that she lived up thare fer awhile. Susie Mae, she plum near had a fit. She sez to me, “Jay Henry, honey, this here gal’s frum up town an’ I ‘speck us’ens can learn a heap frum her.”
When Libby brang us’ens grits, her an’ Susie Mae commenced carryin’ on sumpin terrible ’bout city folks; sayin’ as how they’s perculyer an’ all. Now, me, I didn’t say much ’cause I can take them folks or leave ‘em, so I jus’ let them two gal’s run on.
Atter we had done and et, I got up an’ went up to th’ front ta charge us’ens breakfast on us’ens bill an’ I tolt Susie Mae ta leave a tip. Whenst I come back, she had took her tablet an’ that thare lettle stubby pencil outten her pocket book an’ wuz ritin’ sompin’ down. “Whot you doin,” I axed her. “Givin’ Libby a tip,” she sez. “Iffen she’ll bet her a dollar on Wexford instead uv Black Creek, in that thare ball game nex week, I bleve ta my soul, she’ll make her a heap uv money.” Ever time Susie Mae opens up her mouff, th’ dumb jus falls out.
Now I wont ’bout ta touch that thare wiff a ten foot pole, so I jus pulled out a dime an’ give hit ta Libby myself. Jus ’cause Susie Mae don’t take ta learnin’ they ain’t no reason fer everbody ta have ta suffer.
She’s been that way ever since I married up wiff her an’ made somepin outten her; an’ I don’t thank that thares no hope fer her at this late date. I allways thought that some uv my smarts wud rub off on her, but hit ain’t happen’d yet.
Jus’ thank though; whot iffen I wont thare ta look atter her. She’d reely be in a mess. Most folks whot don’t know her, can’t ‘preciate her. Now me, I does simply ’cause somebody has got to. She purely needs help.
Jay Henry
Iffen y’all don’t unnerstand this hear; “Y’all ain’t frum ’round here; is y’all?” J.H.
December 29th, 2009
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Don’t miss the sale of the year!
I have always wanted to do this. You know? To dispose of the stuff we all receive during the gift-giving season that we have no earthly use for, and to realize a tidy profit. (It’s a joke, Son; don’t get excited), Dad.
Stuff like;
Eight tee shirts emblazoned with pictures of Sarah Palin, – $13.00 each.
Three neckties with hand-painted nudes from Hustler Magazine, – $27.00 each.
Eight pairs of “argyle, knee-length socks,” – $4.95 each.
Two autographed “You may be a red-neck” books, – $9.95 each.
Three 45 RPM records of “Grandma got run over by a reindeer,” – $6.50 each.
Two “Amazing Vegamatics,” - $20.00 (buy one & get one free).
One set, (6), “Rudolph” Beer Mugs, – $8.00, (beer not included).
One Electric “Preparation H dispenser,” – $33.00.
Three “Paint by Number” canvases, - $2.95 each.
One 6 pack of “Billy Beer” – $18.00.
Four “Mood Rings” – $2.95 each.
As the above shows, all of my friends are firm believers in the adage that; “It’s the thought that counts.” Bless their little hearts.
It is also obvious that I had a very lucrative Christmas this year and I really appreciate everyone’s generosity. If all goes well and the merchandise moves; this could be the beginning of a new career for me. I am certain that there are folks who have searched far and wide for these hard-to-find items.
It is my intention to make acquisition of these treasures easy. All you have to do is to have your credit card handy and call BR-549. The first ten callers will receive my book entitled, “How to prevent being RIPPED OFF.” Published by Demijon Press.
That’s BR-549: Call NOW!!! Please note that $8.95 S & H applies for each item. No C.O.D’s. Call in the next ten minutes and we’ll double your order!
Demijon.
Remember: There are folks that are one step short of a flight of stairs. Dj.
December 28th, 2009
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January 1, 2010.
He awoke with a throbbing headache. His mouth was dry and tasted something like a cross between stable manure and a skunk’s rear end. Reaching as far as his arms would extend, he scratched his head and tried to determine just what had transpired to leave him in this gosh-awful state.
Attempting to rise only brought about a nauseous tremor in the pit of his stomach. He reasoned that many people had died while feeling much better than he did at the moment. Try as he might, he could not remember just what had gotten him in this miserable situation.
The invitation had arrived with the mail in late December. The Smiths were holding their annual New Year’s Eve party. He hadn’t missed one in several years. He made a vow that this one would be different. This time he would have a few beers, wait until midnight, blow his whistle and return home to a good night’s sleep. He finally had learned his lesson.
Arriving at the party early, he made his way to the bar and ordered the first of the few beers. This tended to relieve some of the tension of the holidays so he concluded that another would prolong his enjoyment. As he was nursing the second beer, someone approached and mentioned that the “scotch was excellent.” Putting little dependence in the person’s proficiency at diagnosing the quality of the spirits, he decided to determine if this statement had merit.
While thus engaged, someone else noted that the bourbon was at least twenty years old. Twenty year old bourbon could not be cast aside without a sampling by a connoisseur such as himself. Thinking it a little flat, he deduced that by adding just a touch of vodka and a smidgen of red wine, its savory taste would be increased.
As the evening wore on, others began asking for his expertise in the art of concocting more exotic blends, and of course he could not allow them to partake until he had first determined that these concoctions were potable.
The noisemakers and shouts from the cheerful assembly, as the New Year approached, went unheard by him as he continued his search for the perfect combination.
He was on the verge of an amazing discovery. However, his commitment was taking its toll on him and he resolved to sleep on it before making the final decision.
They found him in a corner and put him to bed. They would tell him later whether or not he enjoyed himself.
Demijon
Question: If Corn Oil is made from Corn? And Vegetable Oil is made from Vegetables? What is Baby Oil made from? Dj.
December 27th, 2009
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I am not completely sure of the reason for the words leeward and windward. Webster defines leeward as the direction toward which the wind blows and windward as the direction from which the wind blows.
Now, to a simpleton like me this is somewhat confusing. If, for instance, I am facing south and the wind is blowing from the east, my left side would be to the leeward. Turn me around and to face north, my right side would be to the leeward. See what I mean? Would it not be much more accurate to designate the direction as east or west? I see no logic in the use of the terms leeward and windward.
If I mentioned to anyone that I live in the leeward side of the county, they would have to determine from which direction the wind was blowing at the exact time which the statement was made. Perhaps, this is not a bad idea when giving directions to bill collectors. A change in the direction of the wind could possibly hide me forever.
Today, a change in the methods of speaking is, in itself, an ongoing process. What made perfect sense to persons decades ago, now is so much gobble-de-gook. If certain words have served their purpose and mean nothing in the present time, why are they not eliminated from revised editions of our dictionaries?
Today’s society is constantly fabricating new words for; it seems to me, no other purpose than to perplex me. How many of you know exactly what is meant by dewpoint? Why is this important to us? If it fails to rain, it’s dry. If it rains, it’s wet. What more do we need? Does it matter to us that the cool weather is brought about by a front?
My advice to those whose responsibility it is to forecast the weather; is to keep the terminology simple enough for us dumb-heads to understand, i.e., “You folks in the South are going to get some rain. Y’all up North are going to be cold.”
Since the weather patterns are usually from west to east, wouldn’t it be simpler to say, “You folks in California are going to get the wind ‘fore the folks in New York.”
Just think, if the forecasts were simplified, there would be more time to tell us about more Stuff; “Not sold in Stores!” You know; important stuff!
Demijon
Definition; - “SELFISH” - What the owner of a seafood store does. Dj.
December 26th, 2009
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I am a firm believer in the fact that office parties should be limited to personnel within the particular company, and should exclude spouses that have no connection to, or interest in the company business. Let’s face it, we don’t fit. We know nothing about their product, their sales and marketing; and if we are not avid golfers, we have nothing in common with most of them.
Most companies could save a lot of company money if they merely held a meeting within the confines of their office since more “bidness” is conducted at the parties than social banter. Those of us that are invited because of marital connections try to fit but just can’t get our foot in the door.
I am reminded of a television commercial in which a very formal dinner party is being held, and one obvious outsider asked for the jelly. This pretty much defines our role at a company get-to-gather. If we are not careful, we will ask for the jelly.
Attempting to mingle, we saunter over to one group that is discussing marketing techniques and not being able to make heads or tails of their conversation, we head for the punch bowl. Replenishing our glass with 90 Proof Punch; we try another group and discover that sales are better than they were last year. Back to the old punch bowl.
When everyone has been sufficiently fortified, the menus are passed out and everything is written in French or Italian. At one party I tried to hide my ignorance by pointed to an item on the menu and was served GREEN macaroni. Back to the old punch bowl.
Even conversations during dinner center on clients and “bidness” Trying to blend in, I mention that my truck blew a head gasket and got the same reaction as the guy on television who asked for the jelly. Okay; back to the old punch bowl.
At about this time, I really didn’t care if the Dow Jones was up, down, or sideways. I positioned myself near enough to the punch bowl that I didn’t have to reach too far and chain-smoked for the rest of the evening.
I have an idea for any and all companies that insist on having a company party that includes Spouses. Gather all the people that have an interest in the “bidness” on one night and the outsiders on another night. This would give me a chance to find someone that could help me get my head gasket fixed.
Make sure that the menu includes easily understood, good old American dishes and the waitpersons are aware of our status and are to speak clearly. Under no circumstances is the word “bidness” to be spoken, and if anyone slips and mentions stocks they must be referring to horses or cows.
Another must is to have on the dinner table a sufficient supply of pure old unadulterated Jelly, and none of that stuff with the funny name that no one can pronounce.
Last but not least: if this idea is adopted would you please leave the punch bowl handy when it’s our turn.
If neither of the above ideas are acceptable; just send us a six-pack of long neck Budweiser and we’ll make our own party. Now that’s what I call a simple solution to a problem of blending the haves with the have-nots.
Demijon
Definition of “RUBBERNECK:” - What you do to relax your Wife. Dj.
December 24th, 2009
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To: ABC, CBS, NBC ,FOX, ET-ALL
Dear Persons:
I am thoroughly disgusted with the fare which you continually feed us through the medium of television. Is it possible that there is no GOOD news available, anywhere?
Are your investigators and/or reporters trained to ignore anything which does not contain violence, gore and tribulation? Do your rating charts show that we would not watch a program which depicts someone as happy and carefree?
Perhaps this is one reason why the re-runs of The Andy Griffith Show,” “I Love Lucy,” and the like have become more popular than when originally broadcast. Many of us have become dissatisfied with experiencing one anxiety attack after another while viewing destruction and mayhem throughout your programming day.
While we appreciate your informative coverage of world events, we do not wish to be inundated with repeats of the same information for hours upon hours. Would it be so bad to set aside a time for late-breaking good news? You know, stuff like “We now take you live, to the foothills of North Carolina, where 78 year old Demijon has agreed to discuss his recent surgery to replace a worn-out hip in graphic detail. Our reporter, Jennie Whitcomb, has the story; Jennie.”
How do you know that others are not interested in this remarkable feat? If the aforesaid person had been injured in a riot while attempting to purchase a TICKLE-ELMER toy at the local Wal-Mart; at least three or four camera crews would have been dispatched to cover the vivid narration.
Another thing; is it really necessary to have a bevy of analysts on tap for the purpose of explaining every detail to the viewing public? Who decides that we are so dumb that we cannot understand what the reporter is saying?
The same holds true in the event of a Presidential news conference. I resent having several news commentators explaining, over and over, what I have already heard from the horse’s mouth.
If you are so desperate for something to fill your air time, have you ever considered “The Honeymooners” or The Dick Van Dyke Show” as alternatives? These would be welcome additions to your programming rather than hour after hour of repeating the same chaos hours upon end.
As surprising as it may seem to you, viewers are not the unwashed, thickheaded, idiots that your rating firms have depicted. We listen; we understand; and have no desire to be told over and over what has transpired by numerous other dumb-asses who consider themselves experts.
Your programming has reached the point that many of us look forward to the words which follow, “And now, a word from our sponsor,” or We’ll be right back, after this…”
How much lower can you sink?
Demijon
Definition of, - “HEROES:” - What the guy in a rowboat does. Dj.
December 24th, 2009
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Although I was as proud of that little card as a child with a new toy, I did not understand the inner workings of the system of Medicare. Receiving the card and a $3.00 raise in my social security, all in the same week, provided me with a semi-permanent high.
The attachment to the card denoted that my benefits would begin on January 1. “Only two more months of paying for medical care,” I thought, as I placed the card in a prominent place in my wallet.
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The below incident happened just two months before I was eligible for “THE CARD.”
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My child-bride informed me that it would be unwise to wait until January to receive our influenza shots; therefore, it became necessary to use out-of-pocket money to assure that we would remain healthy for at least a couple more months. Since the dispensing of influenza shots at our doctor’s office are treated as walk-ins with no appointment necessary, we stopped by on the way home from a shopping spree.
Anxious to test the waters of Medicare, we decided to inquire about the procedure for paying with “The Card,” while writing a check for $17.00 each for our shots.
Imagine our surprise when we were told that if I were eligible at the present time and used “The Card” for payment, the cost for the shot would be $22.00. “Is it because of additional paperwork?” we asked. “No, we do not charge for filing insurance or medicare claims,” we were told. “The law states that we are specifically required to charge medicare $22.00 for a flu shot even though our regular charge is only $17.00.”
It was ironic that this incident happened on the eve of a threatened shut-down of the federal government over an increase in premiums for Medicare/Medicaid.
Although I am certainly not a mathematical wizard, even I could understand that if the laws did not require the medical field to bill Medicare for more than their regular charge, the system would not need fixing.
Somewhere up there in the great halls of Congress is someone who makes a decision as to what a medical procedure is worth. If the decided cost is more than the usual charge, the doctor and/or medical facility has no alternative but to charge the higher amount or risk refusal by Medicare to pay the claim.
These same people are desperately trying to convince the public that an increase in premiums is necessary in order to keep, or perhaps even raise these elevated costs. Somewhere, somehow, someone has gotten their priorities out of kilter.
If the powers-that-be would take a closer look at their own laws, perhaps they would find enough waste to render the system solvent with maybe a (heaven forbid) decrease in premiums.
It is my belief that most doctors and medical facilities can and WILL charge a reasonable fee for their services without some wealthy politician deciding that the government should pay more for a medical procedure than the average taxpayer.
Even to a dumb-head like me, it would seem that all which would be necessary to “fix” the system would be to limit the required charge for any procedure to, (in the famous words found in any insurance policy), “Usual and Customary Fees.”
Bring on the “Health Care Bill;” “A Christmas Present from our Lawmakers.”
Demijon
Definition: - “RELIEF:” - What a tree does in the Spring. Dj.
December 23rd, 2009
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Many times the ratio of supervisors to workers within the workplace is out of kilter. It is sometimes thought that the full potential of each worker cannot not be tapped unless a supervisor is watching over his shoulder at all times.
If one of the many overseers is called away from his duty station, an announcement is made and an acting supervisor is appointed for this interim period. Sound preposterous? Believe me, it has and does happen. I can attest to one personal experience during my many years in the workplace.
Floyd was a contract custodian and not in the employ of the business. His duties consisted of four hours each day spent in cleaning the offices, emptying trash cans and general custodial responsibilities. He was a kind, amiable, person who took his job seriously and did his utmost to help anyone at anytime.
On one particular day, it happened that the only people in the entire building were Me, Floyd, and the Manager. The manager received a telephone call and was required to leave for a meeting with the upper echelon. Before making his exit, the manager made the compelled announcement over the public address system, to-wit; “Mr. Demijon will be ‘in charge’ until such time as I return,”
Why did he feel that this announcement was necessary since I was the only employee present and the responsibility would naturally rest on my shoulders? And, just whom would I supervise, Floyd or Myself?
In his usual good natured manner, Floyd approached me later and asked; “If you are called away, can I be in charge?” The two of us shared this joke until Floyd retired several years later.
In most instances, adequate screening is conducted and references are reviewed before an employee is hired. This alone should give an indication that the person is trustworthy and able to perform without supervision. In my humble opinion, it is a waste for each worker to have their own, personal supervisor.
Some of the best achievements stem from people who are given a job description and then left alone to perform. Not only does this save the salaries of the many supervisors, it serves to instill confidence in the employee and creates a more comfortable work environment.
Instead of designating so many bosses, why not resort to ample amounts of praise and remuneration when all the employees perform satisfactorily.
If the employees cannot be trusted to work without supervision, shouldn’t scheduled meetings for managers be held during a time when lowly workers are off-duty? I feel certain that the supervisors would relish an hour or two of overtime pay.
Just thinking.
Demijon
I have finally reached the age where happy hour is a Nap. Dj.
December 21st, 2009
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Many years ago, a friend of mine was the owner of a 1958 Ford station wagon. At the same time my vehicle was a 1957 Ford station wagon that was similarly equipped. My friend decided to trade his vehicle for another that he had seen shining under the string of naked light bulbs at a used car dealer’s lot.
