My child-bride and I have been enjoying the new automobile that we recently purchased. Like all new vehicles it is aerodynamically shaped for fuel efficiency, With fuel prices steadily rising, we can appreciate the 36 MPG the car delivers.
However, we have discovered one flaw that the designers overlooked. During rainy weather, it is impossible to open a window slightly for fresh air, without a deluge of water entering the car from the runoff of the roof top. This presents quite a problem during inclement weather.
On second thought, perhaps this was not an overlooked item; since they also offer for sale front and back window visors that prevent water from entering the cabin and channel it down the outside of the window. If these items had been included at the factory, there would be no need for the customer to return the vehicle to the dealers service department for installation of this after-market item. This, realistically, would deprive the dealership of additional revenue.
Of course, all new vehicles have fresh air ventilation systems through the heater / air conditioning vents; but we do not feel that this air is circulated throughout the cabin as well as a slight lowering of the side windows.
The first time I experienced this fault was during my early morning jaunt for a McDonalds breakfast biscuit. There was a heavy dew this particular morning and I wiped the windows free of the moisture before entering the vehicle. Little did I realize that the water that had settled on the roof, would literally soak the inside of the car as well as my shirt sleeve if the window was lowered even slightly.
Needless to say, old Demijon had little choice but to break down and install the visors onto our vehicle. If my purchase and installation of these accessories do nothing else, they may prevent my blood-pressure from going through the roof and at the same time, alleviate fellow travelers from the string of cuss words that is sure to follow.
Demijon
Demijon’s Dictionary - “K” - KICKAPOO - An Indian Tribe? NO. – “If you sass me one more time, I’ll ‘kick-a-poo’ out of you.”
October 31st, 2009
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It’s everyone’s job: Like it or not.
There are very few children who do not anticipate growing up, and to eventually become able to; “Run with the big dogs.” Their wish to emulate the adults around them increases each year until they finally reach the age of majority. It is here that reality sets in and many of the fantasies they have looked forward to for so long become overshadowed by the actuality that; “It ain’t what it’s cracked up to be!”
For instance: The passage of time during their early years was measured in months instead of days. It seemed forever to wait until another birthday, a holiday, Christmas, etc. Patience is not their strong suit at this juncture in their lives. It is every parents wish that their offspring remains a child for as long as possible; but even they remember similar feelings from their own childhood.
Try as we might; we fail to instill in their young minds some of the things they will face as an adult. For the benefit of the young who read this blog, I will include a listing of a few problems that they will encounter once they reach the age of being; “some two years older than dirt.”
#1 - Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt will not work.
#2 – You get to the point of looking forward to a dull evening.
#3 – Your back goes out more than you do.
#4 - The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
# 5 - Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
#6 – The list of names in your little black book, all end in M.D.
#7 - You know all the answers; but nobody asks you the questions.
#8 - The gleam in your eye is the reflection of the Sun on on your bi-focals.
#9 - Your pacemaker opens the garage door of the pretty girl across the street.
#10 – Your knees buckle; but your belt won’t.
More valuable advice from “The Demijon Book” of important “Stuff” will be on the market soon. To reserve your advance copy, have your credit card ready and call BR-549.
That’s BR-549; CALL TODAY!
Demijon
Demijon’s Dictionary - “J” - Juncture - “Bobby Frank told me that you juncture car after you wrecked it.”
October 30th, 2009
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When my child-bride and I exchanged marriage vows, we were the proud owners of a 1939 Ford almost exactly like the one pictured at left. This vehicle served us well for basic transportation for a number of years. True: It was not designed as a family automobile; but it was an ideal vehicle for a young couple, nevertheless.
“Back When,” if anyone shopped for an automobile at a local used-car lot, they were led to a gleaming, just washed and waxed car similar to this one that they referred to as a “cream-puff.” The spiel went something like this…
“Now this little number was owned by a little old lady schoolteacher who kept it in a heated garage and only drove it to church on Sundays. You had better grab it today because we could sell a dozen like it if we could find them. All it will take for you to drive this baby home is $100.00 down and $30.00 per month for a year. Come on into the office and we’ll fill out the paperwork.”
Some readers may wonder about the amounts for down-payment and monthly payments specified above; but let me assure you that these amounts were in keeping with the average salaries in the days of “yesteryear” when the minimum wages was raised from .50 cents to .75 cents per hour.
Sound unbelievable? With the exception of the amount of down payment and the monthly payments, the transactions are much the same as today. Their product is always the cream-puff; while any vehicle you wish to trade-in is; “For some reason, that model simply will not sell.”
Those of us who are not fortunate enough to have both pockets full of cash when we enter the realm of the used-car sales; we are more of less, at their mercy. Many of us who have experienced the hassles of attempting to purchase a cream-puff in the days of yore, simply cannot believe that we can sit in front of a wide-screen, digital television and watch cream-puffs like the above selling for upwards of hundreds of thousands of dollars.
We may have “come a long way, baby;” but there are still a lot of us that have been left floundering in our attempts to keep up with the Joneses.
Demijon
Demijon’s Dictionary - “ I” - INDICATE: Billy Joe broke his hand when he got it caught indicate.
October 29th, 2009
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The photo at left depicts some of the most enjoyable times we experienced while our children were growing up. The vehicle was an upgrade from our original home in a tent. After spending a night in ten inches of rain overnight in the tent at Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, we concluded that we would either be required to abandon this way of life or opt for something that would prevent us from sleeping on the ground in wet sleeping bags.
Thus; the pictured vehicle became one of several trailers that we would tow from Maine to Florida and other sites along the Eastern Seaboard as our home away from home. For a young couple with two small boys, these trailers were a Godsend. Most were light-weight and could be towed with whatever Automobile we owned at the time. They also allowed us to pack the necessary items and set-up quickly in parks designed for such vehicles.
Our choice of this mode of traveling was primarily that we could travel and sight-see for very little more money than the cost of gasoline. For our own information, we kept records of our expenses at first; and discovered that we could spend a weekend at the beach for as little as $15.00. Added to this inexpensive method of traveling, was the fact that we all dearly loved to camp.
Up until both boys entered college, we practiced this method of seeing the U.S.A. and it was so embedded within the children that they continue this way of living outside at every opportunity. At times; I still wonder if they quizzed their soul mates about their devotion to camping before taking their vows. This would not surprise me.
Incidentally; The reason there are two photos of their Mother in the one picture was a result of their using their unique technology when they surprised us with a slide show on our 50th anniversary.
After our retirement, one son insisted that we use his trailer for at least one more camping trip. We enjoyed it as much this time as we did in the past; but we have come to the conclusion that, at out advanced age, it is better for us to simply sit at home and watch the tractor rust.
Demijon
Demijon’s Dictionary - “H” - HANDBILL - “Hand Bill that hammer so he can nail them shingles down.” Dj.
October 27th, 2009
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I am impressed with those people who make a career of singing. Allow me to say that it is not a big thing to impress one whose entire repertoire consists of half the words to Mary Had A Little Lamb.
When attending concerts, I am constantly amazed that an artist can remember the words to countless songs, one after another. And they always sing it in the right key, no less. I sometimes wonder if there are times when they awake, obsessed with a tune to which the words have long since been obliterated from their mind.
If this has indeed happened to them, what do they do? Do they meander around throughout the day, humming, with an occasional “dum-de-dum-dum” like the rest of us, or do they take advantage of this and compose a new song? This information is very important to me since my attention span is only slightly longer than the programs between commercials on television.
There have been times when this lack of retention has proved embarrassing to me; for instance. Somewhere during the course of almost any group gathering, there is some smart-aleck who insists on leading the crowd in a song-fest. He assures everyone that all of the chosen songs are familiar and he begins with Bach’s Concerto in E Minor.
Perhaps this is to influence others of his prowess with music; however, it only serves to exemplify our own deficiency. In order to camouflage the fact that, to the best of our recollection, we have never before heard of either the words or the tune, we move our lips in some semblance of synchronization with what we hope he is singing and mutter under our breath.
It is sad that some individuals fancy that their supposedly innate ability in the area of music is transcendent of the average person, and that everyone is of the same opinion. Fortunately for them, most people will conceal their true emotions, primarily out of empathy for one so bold.
If those of you who are ill-fated enough to be close to me at a gathering when the above transpires you may rest assured that I am definitely NOT singing. My sounds of “dum-de-dum-dum” are simply to prevent me from disclosing to the idiot who started it all, just what an ass he is making of himself.
Demijon
Demijon’s Dictionary: - “G” - GENTILE - Flooring removed from a Cotton Gin and used in the kitchen or hallway. DJ.
October 27th, 2009
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 The era was the late 1920′s and many farmers in the rural South were able to travel in a carriage powered by an internal combustion engine rather than relying on live horsepower. Due to a downturn in the economy, however, their reliance on this mode of transportation was short-lived. By and large, these folks were dyed-in-the-wool Democrats.
By the time President Herbert Hoover was elected, a full blown depression was under way. With banks closed and unemployment rampant, the operating of an automobile was not feasible.
A jaunt through the countryside revealed most of these vehicles parked under a lean-to shelter of a barn. A few enterprising individuals concocted a method of utilizing parts of these automobiles for a rather crude replacement for the wagon and buggy.
Removing the wheels, tires and axles, they manufactured a two wheeled cart. Inserting shafts onto the rig, the aforementioned live horsepower came into play. A horse or mule was hitched to the cart and although slower, it provided a smoother ride than did the iron-wheeled wagon and buggy. True to their belief in a Democratic President, this cart was dubbed “The Hoover Cart.”
By the time President Roosevelt was elected President, most of the remaining parts of the stored automobiles had either been sold for junk or had been stolen by someone who was fortunate enough to still own an operable “Model T” or similar vehicle.
I remember well listening to older Americans discussing the pro’s and con’s of “The Hoover Cart.”
With the price of fuel steadily increasing, it is entirely possible that the motoring public will be required to return to the days of “making do” with whatever material is available.
Demijon
Demijon’s Dictionary: – “F” - Futile - “Futile your kitchen and not your hall; you’ll have a mess in wet weather.” Dj. |
October 26th, 2009
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For most of my working life, I have felt it necessary to pay premiums for insurance coverage. These payments were relatively easy since the premiums amounted to a small portion of my pay and were withheld from my salary through a business sponsored Group Plan.
Like most people, I complained about the amount withheld since I was confident that I would not need the protection. I was also disenchanted that my policies only paid a certain amount for each illness and left an amount (called co-pay) that I was expected to pay the provider.
Somehow, I managed to scrape together this amount from my tiny paycheck or made arrangements with the Doctor’s or Hospital’s office to settle this account by, what my father referred to as ($1.00 down and a dollar each week).
I consider myself extremely fortunate that I have had very few serious illnesses in my lifetime; so looking back, I really cannot begrudge the small premiums withheld from my paychecks for health insurance.
However, this week, a statement came from the local Hospital listing the charges for three days spent in their facility for a hip replacement. This amount was the charges for the Hospital only and included nothing for the Surgeons fees which will be invoiced later.
Regrettably, I have not kept accounts of the total premiums that I have paid over the years; but I am reasonably certain that they were not in excess of this one charge.
Incidentally, this one bill is almost four times the cost of our first home. Can you imagine the predicament we would be in if we had not had the foresight to continue our insurance coverage after retirement?
At our advanced age and considering our tiny income, it is entirely possible that our total estate would not be sufficient to settle this claim.
Thank God that we can rely on the amounts that Medicare will pay and that our secondary insurance will cover most of the rest. If we did not have this coverage, we would, by necessity, leave this world deeply in debt.
With the help from Medicare, and by our investments in a secondary insurance policy, we have averted a major catastrophe.
My weak mind can only offer others a bit of advice, and that is; Don’t get sick; if your insurance premiums are not up to date.
Demijon
Demijon’s Dictionary - “E” - Ether - Ether you pay me that dollar or I’ll whup you. Dj.
October 25th, 2009
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My son informed me the other day that he and his lovely roommate were planning a vacation that would not cost an arm and a leg.
Citing an ailing economy, and the inflationary prices of almost everything, I asked how he was going to accomplish this. “It’s easy, he replied. We’ll camp in our $55,000.00 (?) Travel Trailer, pulled by our $30,000.00 (?) Pickup and rent a site at the travel park for only $66.00 (?) per night.” When I had re-gained my voice, I reminded him that the campsite rental alone would cost more than we had ever spent for a vacation in our lives.
Although we had learned early on that the only way our family could see the U.S.A. was to carry our home with us. This was done initially with the purchase of a tent and other accouterments designed to pack in small places and open out to provide shelter and a make-shift kitchen.
If memory serves me correctly, we invested around $100.00 in enough equipment to allow us to live out of doors for short periods. As luck would have it, we possessed a station wagon that would hold most of this equipment while the tent and tent poles were tied to the luggage rack on top.
Our first few outings were usually on a two day weekend until we became familiar with setting up and taking down. When a trip was planned, we packed the car on Thursday evenings with what we though would be the necessities for survival in the wilds. The only thing to do after work on Friday was to tie the tent on top and gas up the station wagon.
At the time, our children were small and we made a bed for them in back to sleep while we traveled. Gasoline was relatively inexpensive in the late 60′s and early 70′s so we would splurge with a full tank (around $4/5 dollars.) Of course we had packed sufficient foodstuffs but we did not count this as an extra expense since we would have to eat at home.
Driving for some four hours at night, we would arrive at Lake Arrowhead Campground in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina during the wee hours of Saturday morning. Parking the wagon beside the office, we cat-napped until the Campground opened for business. Then we registered and secured a campsite for the night for a total of $3.00. We set-up the tent and cooked a hearty breakfast on the Coleman Camp Stove before venturing to the beach to literally wear ourselves out frolicking in the surf and sun until our lunchtime of Peanut Butter and Crackers. Then the afternoons were much the same after a short rest.
If we were fortunate to have 4 or 5 dollars extra, we would opt for an evening meal at one of the local Seafood Restaurants. Returning to our site, we would build a bonfire and visit with our camping neighbors until everyone was in dire need of sleep. A quick jaunt to the beach after breakfast on Sunday and it was time to pack up in order to meet the 11:00 check-out time.
While driving home, my wife / bookkeeper figured the total cost for a weekend at the beach. Gasoline - $5.50
Campsite - $3.00
Eating out - $4.75
Souvenirs - $2.50
________________
$15.75
Our family could enjoy a weekend at the beach for an average of $50.25 LESS than the cost of one night of campsite rental at today’s prices.
Now you know why we are so cheap.
Demijon
Demijon’s Dictionary: - “D” - Defeat - Dis is de part of da body dat de shoes go on. Dj.
October 24th, 2009
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For fifteen years after our retirement, my lovely wife and I lived in the town of Sunset Beach, North Carolina. The main thoroughfare along the coast is State Highway # 17.
Adjacent to the town and just before crossing the border into South Carolina is the location of what has become known as “The Seafood Capitol of The World,” or Calabash, North Carolina. I believe the nickname stemmed from the famous battered and deep fried seafood served in the numerous restaurants in the town.
It is told that comedian and motion picture star, Jimmy Durante, once dined there, and in closing his future performances always used the phrase; “Goodnight Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.”
Traveling south of #17 and just before entering onto South Carolina, was an establishment that catered to tourists by offering all kinds of beach paraphernalia, seashells, swim suits, etc.
Beside the street and in front of the building was a huge sign that advertised the business with the famous words, “SEE CRAZY JIM HAVE A FIT !”
What is so unusual about this is the fact that my wife and I traveled Highway # 17 almost daily going to and from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina; but never took the time or the opportunity to observe JIM doing what, I suppose, was his thing.
This article is by no means to be demeaning to anyone. It is written as a case in point to reveal that we all take for granted all the little things in our world; and assume that they will always be around when we have the time to spare.
So rushed as we usually are, we cannot seem to find the time to even smell the roses that adorn our gardens before their display of beauty is gone. We are so sure that they will be here when we have sufficient time to spare that we ignore them.
We should to vow to slow down; to stop and smell the roses, and even to SEE ALL THE CRAZY JIM’S HAVE A FIT. By doing so, we will better enjoy our journey through our short lives.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Crazy Jim’s Enterprise closed several years before we moved from the Beach and we are still wondering just what Jim did when he “HAD A FIT.”
Demijon
Demijon’s Dictionary: – “C” – Calcium; - “Cal” is the fellow who saw Corie Mae Poovy and Jed Wardlow making love on the fodder. Dj
October 23rd, 2009
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Bubba was interviewing with a large trucking company for the position of driver of an 18 wheeler to haul freight from Coast to Coast.
After completing all the paper work, he was subjected to a question and answer session with the freight manager designed to discover his understanding of the dangers involved in piloting these monster vehicles along the nations highways.
Question # 1: “Would you obey all traffic signals and posted speed limit signs of each State or Province in which you traveled?”
Bubba’s answer: “Yes, sir.”
Question # 2: “Would you ever attempt to by-pass a permanent or a temporary weight inspection station if you thought you were overloaded?”
Answer: “No, sir.”
Question # 3: “Would you keep your daily log book up to date and never drive more than the regulation hours for each day?”
Answer: “Yes, sir.”
Question # 4: “Do you believe that the Police, Highway Patrol or Company Safety Officers show favoritism toward truck drivers?”
Answer: “No, sir.”
Question # 5: “Will you always secure your vehicle at any time that you are away from it?”
Answer: “Yes, sir.”
Question # 6: “Will you always practice courtesy for others as specified in the Professional Drivers Manual?”
Answer: “Yes, sir.”
Interviewer: “Now we need to know how you feel toward the important issues of safety. Suppose you are hauling a full load through the steepest parts of The Rocky Mountains. You start down a long hill and your brakes fail. What would you do?”
Answer: ” I would reach for and use the emergency brakes that are on each truck for that reason.”
Interviewer: “Suppose the emergency brakes are no longer in operative condition. What would you do in that incident?”
Answer: “Well: I suppose that I would have no alternative but to reach back into the sleeper and wake up Earl.”
Interviewer: “Why in the world would you consider waking your partner in a situation like this?”
Answer: “That’s easy. Y’see, Earl; he aint never seen a BAD WRECK!”
Interviewer: “Your truck is outside. Can you start tomorrow?”
Demijon.
Demijon Dictionary; – “B” – BROADAXE: – A question covering a variety of subjects and ‘axed’ by a good old boy. Dj.
October 22nd, 2009
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