Webster’s Dictionary contains thousands of words which old Noah himself was not completely sure of the correct definition. This article is intended to dispel any inaccuracy, therefore, preventing your “skinning your ignorance” when the occasion arises where you have a need to impress someone.
APPEND; Webster defines this word as, to attach or affix. Now, everybody knows that this is totally incorrect. It is the rear-most part of a rather big and extremely Ugly, member of the Monkey Family, (sometimes called an APE). You know; ‘The part that he sits on’.
BROADAXE: A weapon; or a tool used to hew timber? Wrong again. This is a question, covering a wide variety of subjects and is usually axed by a “good ole boy.”
CALCIUM: Silver-white chemical, found in limestone; right? No! CAL is the fellow who observed Corry Mae Poovey and Wardlaw Jarvis making love on the fodder, stored in the Barn loft.
DEFEAT: Certainly not, to win victory over; or to overcome. Simply put; Dis is th’ part of de body dat de shoes go on.
ETHER: Commonly designated as a sleep producing agent: But those of us with superior intelligence are aware that; “ETHER, you pay me that dollar or I’ll whup you.”
FUTILE: Useless, vain, and hopeless. UGH-UGH. Correct usage; “FUTILE your kitchen and not the hall; ‘You’ll have a mess in wet weather.”
GENTILE: Mr. Webster says; any person, not a Jew. Right interpretation; “Flooring removed from the Cotton Gin; and used in the kitchen or hall.”
HANDBILL: In the book, it states ;small print ed notice, advertisement. Precisely put; “HAND-BILL” that hammer, so he can nail those shingles down.”
INDICATE: To direct attention to? WRONG! The right way; “Billy Joe broke his hand when he got it caught ‘INDICATE”
JUNCTURE: a point or line of joining; Another Boo-Boo.Â “Bobby Frank toll me that you juncture car atter you wrecked hit.”
KICKAPOO: Noah says, a tribe of Indians; I say, “If you sass me jus’ one more time, I’ll haul off an’ KICK A POO outten you.”
LOCALE: Incorrect definition, a place of locality. Proper usage; “A fitting greeting for former race car driver, Yarborough,” “You Know;” “LO-CALE!”
MATER: Definitely not, the Mother; depicted in the dictionary. It is a “Red Fruit, produced by THE ‘MATER’ Vines.
NAIRN: I will not doubt that this was a County in Scotland; however the correct definition in our world is; “How come you have got two Co-Colers an’ I ain’t got “NAIRN?”
OUTWIT: To overcome by cunning? Heck NO! Plain as day. “Joe Lee went inta’ that Poker Game wiff two dollars an’ come OUTWIT Seben,”
PETTY CASH: Money for incidental expenses;? NO-NO; This is the amount of winnings derived from the NASCAR circuit by driver Richard.
QUOTIENT: Certainly not, the result obtained when a number is divided by another!!! Literal usage refers to, “I run that QUOTIENT LIGHT, an’ got me a ticket.”
REPLY:: Here is another of old Noah’s mistakes. He claims that this means to answer or respond. Everybody who is anybody; knows that this is what you do when your PLYWOOD rots.
SCREEN TEST: Being tested as a Movie Star? Why HAIL NO! It’s simply determining if a fly can get through the mesh SCREEN covering your window.
TELEPLAY: Not a written account of a television play; Used mostly by Coacjes in the game of Football; i.e. “TELEPLAY” to that dumb ass Quarterback, an he forgets it.”
UNPOLLED: You would think that Mr.Webster would know that this does not mean, “Not canvassed in a poll.” It means that the row-boat merely sat there, UNPOLLED.
VACCINE: The stuff in a shot? Of course not! It is what BUBBA calls the waitress at the diner; because he pronounces an M like a V.
WET BAR: Once again, Noah’s wrong. IT AIN;T a serving counter for drinks. It’s just that; “They ain’t nothin’ slicker’n a WET BAR of soap.”
X-RAY: Not a photograph of the bones in ones body; It’s just that “Stella is like a different person since she divorced her X-RAY.”
YAM: Surely everyone knows that this in not a ‘tater. This is dialogue used by cartoon character “Popeye”, i.e. :I Yam what I Yam,”
ZEAL: Be reasonable, Noah: It ain’t intense enthusiasm; This Here is one of them animals that swim around in the cold waters near the north pole.
I sincerely hope that you have learned something. Dj.