Homemade Remedies.

There are thousands of remedies for any and all kinds of ailments available today, not only in drug stores, but also on the shelves of grocery stores, mini-marts and sometimes even in service stations.  Most of these products are the ones that doctors recommend two-to-one.  You are probably as confused as I am about which ones of these products is best suited to your needs.

During my childhood there were very few products to be bought across the counter and without a prescription from a doctor.  Also; in many cases, those few products were cost prohibitive.  As a general rule;  for those of us who resided in an area that did not have a “CVS,”  “REVCO,” or a “Quick-Drug,” nestled among the Pine Trees  along “Rural Route” # “2;” many people relied on the tried and true remedies that had been handed down from generations past.  Surprisingly enough;  Many of these remedies worked in numerous situations.

One that I remember very well was a cough syrup made from a teaspoon of sugar with a few drops of whiskey. Sometimes the only “Spirits” that were readily available was the infamous ˜White Lightning.  However, this did the trick.

When our children developed a cold, it usually meant that they would have trouble sleeping because of persistent coughing. After trying many brands of over the counter cough syrups, I finally resorted to the old sugar and whisky blend. One spoonful was all that was necessary to quiet the cough and allow them to sleep.

Today we are bombarded with promises that if we will only use this or that product, our lives will be forever changed for the better. Not only do doctors recommend these products two-to-one, but also many celebrities have created and use, their own brand of certain products. If they work for them and they still can look like a million dollars; how can they fail for those of us that look as if we’ve, “Been through th’ MILL;” many times over.

Some remedies have no need for extensive advertisements. They rely on plain, common sense.  For example, I once attended a sales seminar; during which, one person in the audience with a persistent cough, was constantly distracting the speaker. He ignored the interruption for some time, but finally it became too great and he stopped with his presentation and directed his attention to the coughing individual. He said.  “Brother, I can cure that cough.”

“Tonight, before you go to bed; I want you to drink a PINT of Castor Oil:”  “Then; when you awake tomorrow morning”….

“BROTHER!”  I DARE YOU TO COUGH!”

Demijon

The Tragedy

Bubba and Bobby Jule decided to drive Bubba’s pickup down to The Short Snort Cafe & Pool Hall to enjoy a couple of long-neck Miller Hi-Lifes. They were dismayed when they discovered that the truck’s battery was dead. Neither was willing to exert the energy to push the truck to start it.

It was fortunate that Billy Bob chose this particular moment to carry a garbage bag full of empty beer cans from his trailer next door to the growing pile of debris that had accumulated alongside the road .

“Hey, Billy Bob; give us a push and jump in the back and we’ll go to The Short Snort!” yelled Bobby Jule.

Unwilling to miss a ride to the notorious Short Snort, and possibly a free beer, Billy Bob quickly complied and succeeded in rolling the truck down the rutted driveway. When Bubba popped the clutch, the engine roared to life and Billy Bob was hard-pressed to climb over the fender, but he was finally seated on the spare tire in the back of the truck.

Now, Bubba was widely known for his inability to safely control a vehicle and when they started across the bridge, he ran off the road and into the river. The truck immediately sank to the bottom much like The Titanic.

Bubba and Bobby Jule opened the doors and swam to safety but Billy Bob, bless his heart, he drowned.  The event reached “National Proportions,” when “The Demijon Press;” planted the “Seeds of an unusual “IDEA;” that the misfortune could have been avoided; if  the Automobile Industry had not been in such haste to sell vehicles that were “proven unsafe”. “(Talk about “Riding a Good Horse to death.)”

For Instance!:  The President appointed a “Senate, Sub-Committee,” to investigate the tragic demise of such an Upstanding Citizen.  Even today; ‘Our Youth’ have “Periods of Mourning,” that literally destroy their usual, invigorating; “Wim; Wigger; Wytality;” and in it’s stead; created a generation of Youth’s that appear to; “Look like they have been; “Rode Hard;” and “Put Up Wet.”     

The resulting “National Holiday;” named “BILLY-BOB DAY;” should be a time for    “Fun and Happiness;” instead of  “Regret  & Despair.”

You may, Indeed, ask;  “Just what was the actual cause of the accident that resulted in the  demise of a possible; “Future President?”

“HE COULDN’T GET THE TAILGATE DOWN!”

Thus saith ‘Demijon.

Lest we Forget.

I can understand it. Unfortunately, today’s children are born and raised in an era when money means literally nothing. Most people, during the last three quarters of the century, have never been required to struggle for and combine every penny in order for the entire family to eat.

“It can’t happen in America?”  “My friend, it can and did in the late 1920’s and early 1930.”  What is more important; it affected the majority of our population; rather than just a few.

Husbands and fathers accepted any job, no matter how menial, that would provide any amount of pay. If they were extremely lucky, they could perhaps work two or more jobs, therefore bettering their standard of living.

Wives and mothers mended clothing, invented recipes that made the most of the sparse available food, did extra washing, ironing and sewing for others if she was fortunate enough to get the opportunity. Children sold newspapers, collected scrap metal, ran errands or any other task that would earn a few pennies.

Yes, pennies were saved then. Every family member’s daily or weekly earnings were combined and used for necessities. There was no such thing as a child using his or her income for toys or personal items.

Everyone’s earnings were placed in something like a cookie jar. It was out of this “BANK” that came the means to purchase the staples that could not be grown or otherwise acquired through bartering or “trading work.”.

Usually there was nothing left in the “bank” when the necessary purchases had been made; therefore, the fund was started again the next week. The sound that the first few pennies made when dropped into the jar was proof of the desolate state of the family’s finances. Everyone breathed deeper when the sound was muffled by a couple of wrinkled dollar bills.

Eventually, things got better and it became possible for the father to support his family; but this fact could not erase the ingrained need to save every penny.  Cookie jars, shoe boxes, cigar boxes, and even knotted handkerchiefs could be found around the house with a few coins and perhaps a bill or two stuffed inside. Not until they were sure that these funds were not needed for food or clothing were they ever used for trivial items.

The very fact that necessity forced them into undesirable circumstances seemed to be the web that drew families closer and they became more determined to make the best of a bad situation.

God forbid that it will happen again, but if it does; I am sure that the coins will again find their way into the Cookie Jars,” all across this great land called America.

I suppose that any country who is bent on destroying the U.S.A. should carefully study;   the History Books from the last few centuries.  Herein; it is clearly evident that they will only need one bullet….

“IF the first shot don’t get them:”  “THERE IS NO NEED TO TRY TO RE-LOAD!”

Demijon

 

CUSSING!!!

What youngster has not dreamed of being old enough to smoke, spit, whistle and cuss?  This was something our elders did and it was, to us, the ultimate of being grown up.  The risk of having our mouths washed out with soap did not deter most of us from playing grown-up, although we were careful to avoid our parents when we practiced this art.  Most of us did not know the meaning of the words, but we thought that they made us sound big and tough.

The fact that the cuss words that we used had very little to do with what we were saying did not matter.  One reason that cussing was so appealing to us was; that we knew that we were not supposed to do it and would probably be punished if we were caught.

Huddled together behind a barn or in a secret cove in the woods, we would “dag-nab it” and “dern it” to our hearts content, knowing that we were safe from the ears of parents.  Sometimes we would even get brave enough to cuss and spit at the same time.

There is a distinct difference between cussing and the use of profanity.  As we would find out much later in life, profanity only displays one’s ignorance and indicates that the vocabulary is inadequate to express oneself.  Cussing on the other hand was a form of emphasizing a point.  Example: “dern-it;” that “dag-nab” old hog turned over the “dad-gum” slop bucket again.

It was rare indeed if we were ever subjected to profanity.  This simply was not done, especially in the presence of children.  If someone would slip, an announcement would come forth to the effect that “Little pitchers have big ears.”

As we grew older, we experienced more of the ways of the world.  We found out that there were more “cuss words” than we had ever heard.  We still did not know their meaning or the correct usage of them, but they sounded “big.”

I vividly remember once; when my Mother was doctoring a cut on my arm.  She was applying an ointment, and I decided to let her know just how grown up I was.  Stretching myself to my full 3 ft. 4 in. height, I informed her that I would not allow any of that “damned Ben-Gay” on my arm.

When I was able to sit again, you can be sure that; ‘I limited my expletive’s to cussing’ in the future, and even this was not done in my Mother’s presence.

I still cannot understand why the use of profanity is so prevalent today.  It seems that almost every movie maker considers it dialogue.  It really is unnecessary and the use of cuss words would serve just as well, and would not be as offensive.

Really, Now:  What is wrong with saying, “Get in the dern car, dog-gone it, and we’ll catch those dag-nab criminals and throw them in the dad-gum jail!”

Unite: ‘Cuss Word’ Users of America’.  Together, we CAN make a difference!

Demijon

Hit Weren’t All That Bad.

Susie Mae were some more nervous th’ fust time them folks at the Church axed her to play th’ Pieanner. She had sot up most uv’ th’ night, a-rollin her hair up on socks an a-arnin her frock. She sez to me, She sez. Jay Henry, honey; Jus; whot’s I’m gonna do iffen I gets all flabergasted an’ mess-up?”

I tolt her that hit wern’t nothin’ to git so ‘cited ’bout ’cause them folks wus jus’ folks; an hit wern’t like she were makin’ her “DAY-BU” on Th’ Grand Ole Opry.

When we’ns got to the Church an’ parked th’ log truck, we noticed that everybody what seen us wuz a-laughin. I tolt Susie Mae that hit shore were nice to make so many folks happy by jus drivin’ up.  Howsom’ever; “I kinda ‘spect my new overalls had a lot to do with hit.”   “You, NO!”   “They kinda ‘spec;’ We’s got money;”  “US, a’ownin’ a Log Truck; an’ all!”

They had tolt us that the Preacher were a Doctor. too. Susie Mae thought that were awful sweet  uv’ them folks to harr a feller to take care of sick folks; and do th’ Preachin’ too.

We went in an’ got us a seat way up frunt so Susie Mae wud be close to th’ pieanner an’ she wonted to make shore folks noticed her new frock whot Spiegal had just done an’ sont ta’ her. I had ta keep remindin’ her to not git carried away, an’ start playin’ her favorite song, “Ain’t No Boogers Out Tonite.”

Well, things went along perty smooth up ’til hit come time fer her to play. Whenst she got up, ‘lo an’ behold, her stockin’s fell down’.  I will have ta say that she handled hit perty good, by playin’ wiff one hand an’ a-pullin on her stockin’s wiff the other one.

The folks must of enjoyed hit fer they wuz still laughin’ whenst we got ready to leave. Susie Mae wonted ta’ axe the Doc. fer a pill fer her rhumatiz:’ but I wudn’t let her. I mis-doubt that he toted his satchel wiff him to preachin’ anyhows.

Thangs has settled down some since that fust time an’ Susie Mae, she’s real careful to put on her garters when she has ta’ play th’ pieanner.  Funny thang, though; We still has thât-thair knack fer makin’ everybody happy; ’cause they all bust out a-laughing ever time we come ta church.

Me an’ Susie Mae; We ‘preciates hit.

Writ by JAY HENRY

Based on a true occurrence.

Whatever Blows Your Dress UP.

I mean;  “REALLY”!

Most of us; today, are in a quandary about just what is acceptable and what is not.  We really put too much emphasis on what others will think.  We will not wear the same comfortable clothing twice for fear of someone thinking that this is all we have.  Why do we worry about things such as this?  If other people are going to criticize what we wear, then they will find something else if we are dressed to the ‘in’th’ degree.

We all have been taught from childhood about what is right and what is wrong, and if we follow these guidelines it will not matter what we wear.  True friends do not care about our dress but about what we are.  They don’t say, “I will not be his friend anymore because he wore that same shirt with the gravy stains, the last time that I saw him.”

I, personally, am glad that the trends are toward a more casual dress for most occasions.  Granted, there are times when formal attire is necessary; but I do not feel right, about being required to wear a coat and tie in order to eat dinner in a restaurant and having to pay dearly for that privilege.

There are some restaurants that keep,  “A supply of ties handy for loan”, if one happens to appear without one.  They don’t want to miss the revenue, but will not relax their code.  This is ridiculous.  Their food is no better because of this.

Very few people today will appear in public if they are not properly dressed; so why all the fuss?  If we are comfortable, then we can enjoy a good meal as well as the atmosphere of casual dining; and feel much better about returning.

I believe that this is one reason the fast food chains have expanded so rapidly.  The only requirements in most of them; are shirts and shoes, and this just makes good sense.  Who would patronize these establishments if they were required to wear suit and tie?  Would their prices remain the same if these codes were adopted?  I think not.

All that most of us look for in a restaurant is; Cleanliness, Good Food and a Comfortable Place to enjoy eating.  DRESS is most certainly secondary.

Then we come back to the areas of criticism.  Does someone become less of a friend because we have seen him or her in the same clothing before?  Window dressing does not have to be changed in order to be attractive.  If we look beyond the outer layers the same person would be there.

“YES:”  “THERE:”   “Hidden behind that old dress; is the valued friend that you cherish.  She has worn it on two occasions; and she ‘STILL,’ is; ‘NO LESS THAN,’  “The  Lovely Individual that you adored; Last Week.”

We don’t have enough time in this life to worry about what others wear.  Be comfortable with “Whatever blows your dress up,” and leave the rest to your “CHARMING, PERSONALITY.”   We will all be the better for it.

Judging from the attire that some of the “rich & famous” people wore at certain awards ceremonies, on television:  “It is entirely possible that we would have been welcomed Sans clothing.”  “Gravy stains and all.”   ‘I  mean;’ Really!”    Dj.

Demijon

Meet Susie Mae & Jay Henry

Susie Mae and Jay Henry are figments of the author’s imagination and bear no resemblance to anyone living or dead.  They were created to amuse the reader with fictitious events derived from memories of a time when life was not as fast paced and technology was in its infancy.

Susie Mae, is depicted as a strong-willed, vain, unique, individual who takes pride in her talents for cooking, (Chitlin’ Casseroles):  Designing the latest fashions, (frocks): Impressing others; and generally seeking answers for anything she does not understand.  For comprehension on any subject; she depends entirely on her handsome roommate, Jay Henry, Honey.

Jay Henry, on the other hand, is a sophisticated personality that does not hesitate to give an opinion on any issue.  From his vast storehouse of knowledge on any and all subjects, he ‘Splains things to her and receives her usual response of Jay Henry, Honey; You’s so smart”.  

Employed at ‘Th’ Saw Mill’:  He is grateful for the use of the Company Truck whenever he is off duty.  This Vehicle lets the MULE rest, when they traveled.

Their abode is a cabin in the backwoods with the bare essentials for comfortable living.  Their only transportation consists of the Company log truck when necessary for the commute to the nearest shopping ˜mall,” called “Th’ Store;” located about 2 miles across “Th’ Creek.”  Traversing the distance by foot across the creek is accomplished by “COONING” a slippery foot log.

Th’ Store houses the only telephone in the area and crossing the foot log is a constant concern for Susie Mae every time she walks to ‘Th’ Store for her supply of feed sacks that are the source for her Frocks or to purchase staples such as Weenies, Loaf Bread and Potted Meat.

Silas, the owner and operator of the establishment is a devoted admirer of Susie Mae’s resourcefulness and orders all his chicken feed in a wide variety of colorful prints in order that she might wear a new and different Frock, when Th’ Old Maid Club meets on a weekly basis.  He also acts as telephone operator whenever Junior or Rocky Phil has a need to talk to their MA”.

Miss Mazie is Silas’s wife and Susie Mae’s Mentor.  She is depended on to furnish all the local gossip during the weekly card games or the monthly meetings of the Crosscreek Quiltin’ Circle.  Since the telephone is located in Th’ Store, it is easy enough for Miss Mazie to lift the receiver and be the first in the community to know that; “Perline Alford is ‘In a family way.’  Or that Merlowe Jenkins ran off with that Llighting-Rod Salesman.”

This beloved couple was conceived within the mind of Demijon solely for the entertainment of his dedicated fans.  If these rambling articles trigger a smile, then the hunt-and-peck system of writing with a computer; that thinks it is smarter than the author, will not have been in vain.

by Demijon

We do not believe in censorship; however, we limit stuff that we shouldn’t print.   Dj.

 

Ever Wondered ???

How long the gestation period is for “having a Hissie?”

Why other folks age more quickly than you?

Why there are 2,687 pairs of trousers on the rack, with sizes ranging from 28 to 36 and only ‘7 pairs above size 40’ ?

Why golfers yell “FORE” when they are about to hit someone;  Why not ‘FIVE’  or ‘EIGHT’?

Why it only rains on the days when you’ve ‘forgotten your Umbrella?

Why the person seated behind you in a theater insists on Explaining Everything?

How the young man driving the car with the million dollar sound system; that causes the ground to shake around you, ‘is able to hear anything’?

Why your stomach growls at the precise time when the ‘Preacher pauses’?

Why you are asked to wait ‘Thirty Minutes’ for a table; when there are only four customers in the Restaurant?

What would happen to the “Blue Light Specials,” if there were no microphones and speakers in department stores?

Why “Skycaps” are always available to help with your baggage when you arrive at an airport; but are conspicuously absent as you ‘struggle to your car’?

Why it is customary to ‘tip an employee’ at a hotel; for bringing you a drink; but not the person who ‘Cleans Your Room’ each day?

How prices in every grocery store can be ‘lower than their competitor’?

Are there really persons hired by the fast food industry to decide that “Quickburger” tastes better than “Fastburger?”

Why the person driving behind you insists on passing only to ‘turn at the next street’ or ‘stop at the next light’?

Why someone is sure to ask; “Did you have a flat?” when they observe you changing a tire?

Why you are so excited about ‘taking a trip’ and yet so relieved to ‘return home?

Do Automobile Dealers really think we’re dumb enough to consider their “$5000.00 cash back;”  a free gift?

If the price of gasoline is because of “crude oil costs“, where are the record-breaking ‘Profits’ the Oil Companies are enjoying; coming from?

If a merchant advertises that they will “Beat anyone’s price” and another merchant gives you something “FREE,”?  Is the first merchant obligated to “Pay You” to take his merchandise?

Demijon

I really worry about  things like this.

My mind works like lightning;  One brilliant flash, and it’s gone”.

OLD vs ELDERLY

As a youngster, I considered that a person in the neighborhood of 30 years old did not have much longer to live. It seemed to take forever for me to reach the tender age of 16 at which point I could acquire a driver’s license. This feeling was not then and even now unique. I hear young people today expounding on what they will do when they are all grown up. Take care, my children, you’ll be here before you know it.

It seemed to take only a very short time for me to progress from “a mature young man” and enter into the stage of “Senior Citizen.”  Believe me, we rode over a lot of bumps while getting here, but now that we’re here it’s really not so bad. Sure, there were things in which we would have done differently if only we had known better, but we now attribute these things to the ignorance of youth.

As we progress in years, things happen to our minds as well as our bodies. Take for instance, reading our newspaper. We begin to realize that we are holding the paper farther and farther away until we succumb to “reading” glasses, then “bi-focals” and finally “tri-focals”. People begin to talk softer around us and the volume of radios and TV somehow becomes lower and lower. This inspires us to seek help in the form of an aid to our hearing.

Muscles that were once in our chest suddenly appear around our waistline, and the stamina that we once enjoyed has become a thing of the past. We find ourselves going from one room to another only to stop and try to remember what we came in here for. We see faces that are familiar but cannot quite associate the face with a name. Sometimes someone is offended by this and we can blame it on age.

Usually our first order of business upon getting out of bed is to read the obituary column in the paper IF we can find our glasses.  If our name does not appear; then we proceed to make the coffee.  Also, it is not uncommon for us to have to be awakened from our nap in time to go to bed.

We can get away with much more now than we could before, simply because if we do something not quite acceptable, we see a sympathetic smile appear and they “mouth” the word SENILITY, and we are excused.

No, getting old is really not so bad when we consider the alternative. We can make it into a pleasant experience if only we work at it.  We have much to gain now and almost nothing to lose, so why not make the best of it.  We have learned more, even though we have forgotten most of it.  We have seen more, with and without our glasses, and because of this we have profited from the lessons of life.  We are not unlike a fine wine;  “We DO improve with age”.

We do not have to worry about making mistakes simply because we have already made most of them, so now we can relax, reflect, and take what’s left in stride, knowing that although we have been through a lot, there’s still a lot for us to experience.

Take heart, all of you young people, its fact that we all will grow older, but along with this we grow somewhat wiser and as a general rule,,,,,,We don’t just get older; we get better!!!”

QUESTION?  If a FLY happened to lose his wings;  Would he be called A WALK?

Demijon

Then & Now

“T.B. or not T.B; – that is congestion;” – “Consumption be done about it?”

This was a phrase that everyone seemed to be saying when I was in elementary school.  Our underdeveloped minds were in the process of finding something funny in everything that we did or read.

The CLASSICS meant nothing to us at the time.  We were more interested in playing baseball, shooting marbles and roaming the woods in search of perfect prongs for Slingshots to be bogged down with a dull book.

Our ideas of good books were the Big Little Books that depicted Dick Tracy, Tom Mix, or Jungle Jim’s adventures.  We could spend hours in our tree house, absorbing every word of these suspenseful works; and even went so far as to emulate most of them.

One day I would be Tom Mix; and would prevent the bad guys from foreclosing on the ranch of the beautiful damsel. The next day I might become one of the gangsters who was trying to do-in,  Detective Tracy.

Most of us considered it unmanly to be assigned homework that consisted of reading a novel that was for the most part romantic.  We were He-men who made our living protecting the underdogs.  Our calling in life was that of being at the right place at just the right time.  We were the only hope for the oppressed and we were extremely proud of it.

The safety of the world depended on our actions.  Romance was for girls and wimps. After all: Wouldn’t Roy Rogers rather kiss his horse?

We even went so far as forming clubs for boys only. Exclusion of anyone of the opposite gender was mandatory.  We neither solicited nor accepted females; period! If you could not fight the Nazis or if you did not wear a Six Shooter, you need not apply.

Then, one day, our outlook changed.  We began to notice that the female of the species was not something to be shunned.  Rather, they were somewhat unique in their ability to cause our hearts to beat faster.

Amazingly, right under our noses, this spindle-legged larva, had suddenly turned into a beautiful butterfly.

Things were suddenly not so important that Detective Tracy could not get along without us; and at this point in our lives we did not really care if the foreclosure of The Ranch took place as planned.

This turning point in our lives was nothing more than growing up, but we saw it as a major event.  Slingshots and cap pistols were traded for items that we felt would impress our new-found interests. The clubs that we were once so proud of were more or less abandoned since our thoughts were channeled in another direction.

Our way of putting things changed along with our attitudes toward girls.  Instead of making a mockery of the classics, we sought to quote them in hopes of impressing our chosen ones in the fact that we had Class.

As the divine plans unfolded, we succeeded in impressing the one that was to become our intended and merely let nature take its course.  As a result, we became one with her; and our lives were enriched.  A bonus was added in the form of children and a happy home.

When we reflect on the past, it seems impossible that we could have placed so much importance on a spoof of Shakespeare’s writings; plus, we could hardly remember who Tom Mix was.

We had finally found our purpose in life.

Demijon